Friday 18 March 2022

WALK IN DRY PLACES #essentialsofrecovery

SHOULD EVERYBODY LIKE ME?

Personal Relations


In AA discussions, the term people-pleaser doesn’t fare very well. When people say they are people-pleasers, they’re acknowledging that it’s also a problem.

It’s a problem because it reflects a desire to have everybody’s acceptance and approval—to be universally liked. But from what we know about human relationships, this is not possible. No matter how hard we work to be pleasant and likable, some people may still detest us for reasons we cannot understand. When that happens, we should not blame ourselves or step up our efforts to win them over. Our best course is to be cordial to them and to avoid giving offense in any way, while accepting the fact that they do not like us.

If our own behavior is mature and reasonable, even the people who don’t like us will at least respect us. That may be the best we can hope for, and it is certainly far better than shameless people pleasing. In the end, people-pleasers don’t please anybody and, as a famous comedian notes about himself, they “get no respect.”

I’ll try hard to be pleasant and cordial to everyone I meet today. If some people do not respond in the same way, I’ll accept this without feeling hurt or betrayed.

© 1996 by Hazelden Foundation
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