Friday, 6 October 2017

One Day At A Time #essentialsofrecovery


LONGINGS



“The great question – which I have not been able to answer – is, ‘What does a woman want?’”

–Sigmund Freud


All my life I have been searching for what I “really want”. I tried sports, different jobs, friends, lovers and traveling. I even tried therapy. None of these ever worked. Once I had what I thought I wanted, I didn’t want it anymore. The urge to want — to long for the best things — was an inner, unsatisfied hunger. Excessive food became my sedating drug. When using food, I was numb to my longings. I felt it was impossible to fill this void. It seemed I would never know or receive what I wanted.

The 12 step program of recovery taught me that I could have anything I wanted — if God gave it to me. When I stopped wanting everything so badly, and I surrendered to be His child and employee, I learned that what I’d thought of as “wanting”, was actually what I was “missing”. I missed everything important in my life, so I wanted everything. It was never enough ~ never the right thing or the right person. I felt that even I was “wrong” because I was without love, patience, tolerance or companionship. In OA I found all of that. With God’s help, I now have those things in my life every day when I ask for it and accept it as part of me today.

One day at a time…
I no longer want so much, and I am thankful for what I receive. I am receiving more than I have ever dreamed of.

~ Trine
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