DAILY REFLECTIONS #essentialsofrecovery

EXPECTATIONS vs. DEMANDS

Burn the idea into the consciousness of ever, man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house.

~ ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 98 ~

Dealing with expectations is a frequent topic at meetings. It isn’t wrong to expect progress of myself, good things from life, or decent treatment from others. Where I get into trouble is when my expectations become demands. I will fall short of what I wish to be and situations will go in ways I do not like, because people will let me down sometimes. The only question is: “What am I going to do about it?” Wallow in self-pity or anger; retaliate and make a bad situation worse; or will I trust in God’s power to bring blessings on the messes in which I find myself? Will I ask Him what I should be learning; do I keep on doing the right things I know how to do, no matter what; do I take time to share my faith and blessings with others?

Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services Inc 

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JUST FOR TODAY #essentialsofrec #NA #Addiction

Love and Addiction

“Some of us first saw the effects of addiction on the people closest to us. We were very dependent on them to carry us through life. We felt angry disappointed and hurt when they found other interests, friends, and loved ones.”

~ Basic Text p. 7 ~
Addiction affected every area of our lives. Just as we sought the drug that would make everything alright, so we sought people to fix us. We made impossible demands, driving away those who had anything of worth to offer us. Often, the only people left were those who were themselves too needy to be capable of denying our unrealistic expectations. It’s no wonder that we were unable to establish and maintain healthy intimate relationships in our addiction.

Today, in recovery, we’ve stopped expecting drugs to fix us. If we still expect people to fix us, perhaps it’s time to extend our recovery program to our relationships. We begin by admitting we have a problem—that we don’t know the first thing about how to have healthy intimate relationships. We seek out members who’ve had similar problems and have found relief. We talk with them and listen to what they share about this aspect of their recovery. We apply the program to all our affairs, seeking the same kind of freedom in our relationships that we find throughout our recovery.

Just for today: Loving relationships are within my reach. Today, I will examine the effects of addiction on my relationships so that I can begin seeking recovery.
 


© 1991 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services Inc 

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KEEP IT SIMPLE #essentialsofrec #Hope #Demands

If anything, we have tended to be people who
wanted it all now. To hope is not to demand.

~ On Hope ~

Maybe we were a bit demanding. Maybe we were a bit impatient. Maybe that’s why we had such little hope.

Hope is believing good will come, even in bad times. Hope is knowing that “this, too, shall pass.” Hope is knowing that no matter how afraid we are, God will be with us. Hope is knowing we never have to be alone again. It is knowing that time is on our side. Hope is giving up control. Hope is knowing we never had control in the first place. Hope is believing in ourselves. Hope is what our pro-gram is all about.

Prayer for the Day

Higher Power, in our program we share our experiences, our strengths, and our hopes. Thank you for giving all three of these to me to share.

Action for the Day

I will share my hope for the future with myself, my Higher Power, and my friends. I also will share this with someone who has lost hope.

Copyright © 1988 by Hazelden Foundation

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A WOMAN’S SPIRIT #essentialsofrec #Women #Recovery #Demands

I don’t always know what I want, but I do know what I don’t want.

~ Helen Neujahr ~

We don’t want pain or confusion in our lives. We don’t want friends to depart. We don’t want a boss to be too demanding. And we don’t want to lose control of the outcomes that are unfolding around us every day. There is so much we don’t want. How lucky we are to be in this program and to have a caring Higher Power to help us handle the situations that we don’t want in our lives.

We need the help of a Higher Power because we seldom know what is really best for us. Had we had our way in years past, we most likely would not be recovering. Instead, we may have stayed in a relationship that was quietly killing us, or we may have killed someone else or ourselves because of our addiction. God had a better plan for us then; God continues to have a better plan for us now.

We must be ready to relinquish that which we think we want if the evidence confronting us suggests God thinks differently. We must let hindsight offer us enlightenment regarding God’s better plan.

I will trust God to direct my thoughts and my actions. I will try to want what God wants for me today.

© 1994 by Hazelden Foundation

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DAILY REFLECTIONS #essentialsofrec #demands #Inventory

EXPECTATIONS vs. DEMANDS

Burn the idea into the consciousness of ever, man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house.

~ ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 98 

Dealing with expectations is a frequent topic at meetings. It isn’t wrong to expect progress of myself, good things from life, or decent treatment from others. Where I get into trouble is when my expectations become demands. I will fall short of what I wish to be and situations will go in ways I do not like, because people will let me down sometimes. The only question is: “What am I going to do about it?” Wallow in self-pity or anger; retaliate and make a bad situation worse; or will I trust in God’s power to bring blessings on the messes in which I find myself? Will I ask Him what I should be learning; do I keep on doing the right things I know how to do, no matter what; do I take time to share my faith and blessings with others?

Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services Inc

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As Bill Sees It

Domination and Demand, p. 176

The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being. Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insist upon dominating people we know, or we depend upon them far too much.

If we lean too heavily on people, they will sooner or later fail us, for they are human, too, and cannot possibly meet our incessant demands. In this way our insecurity grows and festers.

When we habitually try to manipulate others to our own willful desires, they revolt, and resist us heavily. Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense of persecution, and a desire to retaliate.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

My dependency meant demand — a demand for the possession and control of other people and the conditions surrounding me.

1. 12 & 12, p. 53
2. Grapevine, January 1958 

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As Bill Sees It

Domination and Demand, p. 176


The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being. Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insist upon dominating people we know, or we depend upon them far too much.

If we lean too heavily on people, they will sooner or later fail us, for they are human, too, and cannot possibly meet our incessant demands. In this way our insecurity grows and festers.

When we habitually try to manipulate others to our own willful desires, they revolt, and resist us heavily. Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense of persecution, and a desire to retaliate.

My dependency meant demand — a demand for the possession and control of other people and the conditions surrounding me.

1. 12 & 12, p. 53

2. Grapevine, January 1958

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As Bill Sees It #essentialsofrecovery

Giving Without Demand, p. 69

Watch any A.A. of six months working with a Twelfth Step prospect. If the newcomer says, “To the devil with you,” the twelfth-stepper only smiles and finds another alcoholic to help. He doesn’t feel frustrated or rejected. If his next drunk responds, and in turn starts to give love and attention to other sufferers, yet gives none back to him, the sponsor is happy about it anyway. He still doesn’t feel rejected; instead he rejoices that his former prospect is sober and happy.

And he well knows that his own life has been made richer, as an extra dividend of giving to another without any demand for a return.

Grapevine, January 1958 

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Daily Reflections #essentialsofrecovery

EXPECTATIONS vs. DEMANDS

Burn the idea into the consciousness of every man that he can get well regardless of anyone. The only condition is that he trust in God and clean house. 

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 98

Dealing with expectations is a frequent topic at meetings. It isn’t wrong to expect progress of myself, good things from life, or decent treatment from others. Where I get into trouble is when my expectations become demands. I will fall short of what I wish to be and situations will go in ways I do not like, because people will let me down sometimes. The only question is: “What am I going to about it?” Wallow in self-pity or anger; retaliate and make a bad situation worse; or will I trust in God’s power to bring blessings on the messes in which I find myself? Will I ask Him what I should be learning; do I keep on doing the right things I know how to do, no matter what; do I take the time to share my faith and blessings with others?

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Daily Reflections #essentialsofrec

WE JUST TRY, p.242

My stability came out of trying to give, not out of demanding that I receive.

The Best Of Bill, pp. 46-47

As long as I try, with all my heart and soul, to pass along to others
what has been passed along to me, and do not demand anything in
return, life is good to me. Before entering this program of Alcoholics
Anonymous I was never able to give without demanding something
in return. Little did I know that, once I began to give freely of
myself, I would begin to receive, without ever expecting or
demanding anything at all. What I receive today is the gift of
“stability,” as Bill did: stability in my A.A. program; within
myself; but most of all, in my relationship with my Higher Power,
whom I choose to call God. 

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A Day At A Time #essentialsofrec #Demands #Self-pity

 1

August

Reflection For The Day

Self-pity is one of the most miserable and consuming defects I know. Because of its interminable demands for attention and sympathy. my self-pity cuts off my communication with others, especially communication with my Higher Power. When I look at it that way, I realize that self-pity limits my spiritual progress. It’s also a very real form of martyrdom, which is a luxury I simply can’t afford. The remedy, I’ve been taught, is to have a hard look at myself and a still harder one at The Program’s Twelve Steps to recovery. Do I ask my Higher Power to relieve me of the bondage of self-pity?

Today I Pray

May I know from observation that self-pitiers get almost no pity from anyone else. Nobody — not even God — can fill their outsized demands for sympathy. May I recognize my own unsavory feeling of self-pity when it creeps in to rob me of my serenity. May God keep me wary of it’s sneakiness.

Today I Will Remember

My captor is my self.

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As Bill Sees It #essentialsofrec #Demands #Recovery #Fear

15
July

Antidote For Fear, p. 196

When our failings generate fear, we then have soul-sickness. This sickness, in turn, generates still more character defects.

Unreasonable fear that our instincts will not be satisfied drives us to covet the possessions of others, to lust for sex and power, to become angry when our instinctive demands are threatened, to be envious when the ambitions of others seem to be realized while ours are not. We eat, drink, and grab for more of everything than we need, fearing we shall never have enough. And, with genuine alarm at the prospect of work, we stay lazy. We loaf and procrastinate, or at best work grudgingly and under half steam.

These fears are the termites that ceaselessly devour the foundations of whatever sort of life we try to build.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

As faith grows, so does inner security. The vast underlying fear of nothingness commences to subside. We of A.A. find that our basic antidote for fear is a spiritual awakening.

1. 12 & 12, p. 49
2. Grapevine, January 1962

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Daily Reflections #essentialsofrec #Fear #Recovery #Demands

7
July

. . . AND LETTING GO OF IT

. . . primarily fear that we would lose something we already possessed or would fail to get something we demanded. Living upon a basis of unsatisfied demands, we were in a state of continual disturbance and frustration. Therefore, no peace was to be had unless we could find a means of reducing these demands. The difference between a demand and a simple request is plain to anyone. 

12 & 12, p.76

Peace is possible for me only when I let go of expectations. When I’m trapped in thoughts about what I want and what should be coming to me, I’m in a state of fear or anxious anticipation and this is not conducive to emotional sobriety. I must surrender–over and over–to the reality of my dependence on God, for then I find peace, gratitude and spiritual security.

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As Bill Sees It #essentialsofrec #Recovery #Demands #Domination

25
June 

Domination and Demand, p. 176

The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being. Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insist upon dominating people we know, or we depend upon them far too much.

If we lean too heavily on people, they will sooner or later fail us, for they are human, too, and cannot possibly meet our incessant demands. In this way our insecurity grows and festers.

When we habitually try to manipulate others to our own willful desires, they revolt, and resist us heavily. Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense of persecution, and a desire to retaliate.

^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^

My dependency meant demand — a demand for the possession and control of other people and the conditions surrounding me.

1. 12 & 12, p. 53
2. Grapevine, January 1958

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Just For Today #essentialsofrec #Recovery #NA #Addiction

28
May

As We Understand
“We examined our lives and discovered who we really are. To be truly humble is to accept and honestly try to be ourselves.” 

Basic Text, p. 35

As using addicts, the demands of our disease determined our personality. We could be whoever or whatever we needed to be in order to get our “fix.” We were survival machines, adapting easily to every circumstance of the using life.

Once we began our recovery, we entered a new and different life. Many of us had no idea what behavior was appropriate for us in any given situation. Some of us didn’t know how to talk to people, how to dress, or how to behave in public. We couldn’t be ourselves because we didn’t know who we were anymore.

The Twelve Steps give us a simple method for finding out who we really are. We uncover our assets and our defects, the things we like about ourselves and the things we’re not so thrilled about. Through the healing power of the Twelve Steps, we begin to understand that we are individuals, created to be who we are by the Higher Power of our understanding. The real healing begins when we understand that if our Higher Power created us this way, it must be okay to be who we really are.

Just for today: By working the steps I can experience the freedom to be myself, the person my Higher Power intended me to be.

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Daily Reflections #essentialsofrec #BillW #Giving

19
 May

GIVING WITHOUT STRINGS

And he well knows that his own life has been made richer, as an extra dividend of giving to another without any demand for a return.

 AS BILL SEES IT, p. 69

The concept of giving without strings was hard to understand when I first came into the program. I was suspicious when others wanted to help me. I thought, “What do they want in return?” But I soon learned the joy of helping another alcoholic and I understood why they were there for me in the beginning. My attitudes changed and I wanted to help others. Sometimes I became anxious, as I wanted them to know the joys of sobriety, that life can be beautiful. When my life is full of a loving God of my understanding and I give that love to my fellow alcoholic, I feel a special richness that is hard to explain

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As Bill Sees It #essentialsofrec #Recovery #BillW

17
 May
Domination and Demand, p. 176
The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being. Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insist upon dominating people we know, or we depend upon them far too much.

If we lean too heavily on people, they will sooner or later fail us, for they are human, too, and cannot possibly meet our incessant demands. In this way our insecurity grows and festers.

When we habitually try to manipulate others to our own willful desires, they revolt, and resist us heavily. Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense of persecution, and a desire to retaliate.

My dependency meant demand — a demand for the possession and control of other people and the conditions surrounding me.

1. 12 & 12, p. 53

2. Grapevine, January 1958

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Step by Step #essentialsofrec #Recovery #Demands

26
March

Today, I recognize that I have spent much of my life expecting other people to meet the unrealistic demands and expectations I put on them to fulfil my needs and wants. In selfishness and vanity, I often rejected in anger those who failed or would not give me what I wanted or needed when I wanted or needed it. In those times of looking to the outside for fulfilment, I had not a clue how to look inside myself and beyond something stronger than other people to attain what since have become different needs and expectations. In AA and recovery, I understand now that I put my sobriety first and foremost above everyone and all else to earn acceptance, friendship, love and empathy. And my expectations of others were so unrealistic and selfish that I became needy to the point of being pathetic. Now, in AA and recovery, I see the consequences, sometimes disastrous, of putting all my expectations on others but am able to look inside myself and to a Power stronger than myself to earn what I need. Today, I will take from the reservoir of what AA and recovery have given me to meet my needs and not weigh anyone with expectations so selfish and heavy that I ignore that they, too, have their own needs. And our common journey continues. 

Step by step. – Chris M. 

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