Time and again I have searched for you, not knowing that it was me I needed to find.~ Betty MacDonald ~We may have spent many years looking for the partner who would complete our lives. We were certain that happiness was guaranteed when the search culminated in the perfect selection. How tragic it seems when we discover that happiness still eludes us. The search, coupled with the belief that someone else is our ticket to happiness, has lead us down many dark alleys.We are learning now that finding our true self oilers us the wholeness we thought would come from our attachment to another person. The Steps will guide our self-discovery. Through the Steps, the meetings we attend, and the friends we make, we’ll find our real self. Knowing her fully, accepting her completely, will fill the void we thought only another person could fill.I will pay attention to who I am today. I will honor the whole of me. I know genuine happiness can be found only in this way.© 1994 by Hazelden Foundation
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Everyday Living, p. 233
The A.A. emphasis on personal inventory is heavy because a great
many of us have never really acquired the habit of accurate
self-appraisal.
Once this heavy practice has become a habit, it will prove so
interesting and profitable that the time it takes won’t be missed. For
these minutes and often hours spent in self-examination are bound to
make all the other hours of our day better and happier. At length, our
inventories become a necessity of everyday living, rather than
something unusual or set apart.
12 & 12, pp. 89-90
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Reflection for the Day
I used to be an expert at unrealistic self-appraisal. At certain times, I would look only at that part of my life which seemed good. Then I would magnify whatever real or imagined virtues I had attained. Next, I would pat myself on the back for the fantastic job I was doing in the Program. Naturally, this generated a craving for still more “accomplishments” and still greater approval. Wasn’t that the pattern of my days during active addiction? The difference now, though, is that I can use the best alibi known—the spiritual alibi. Do I sometimes rationalize willful actions and nonsensical behavior in the name of “spiritual objectives”?
Today I Pray
God help me to know if I still crave attention and approval to the point of inflating my own virtues and magnifying my accomplishments in the Program or anywhere. May I keep a realistic perspective about my good points, even as I learn to respect myself.
Today I Will Remember
Learn to control inflation.
© 1989 by Hazelden Foundation
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Reflection for the Day
The more self-searching we do, the more we realize how often we react negatively because our “pride has been hurt.” Pride is at the root of most of my personal problems. When my pride is “hurt,” for example, I almost invariably experience resentment and anger—sometimes to the point where I’m unable to talk or think rationally. When I’m in that sort of emotional swamp, I must remind myself that my pride—and nothing but my pride—has been injured. I have to pause and try to cool off until such time as I can evaluate the problem realistically. When my pride is injured or threatened, will I pray for humility so that I can rise above myself?
Today I Pray
May I know that if my pride is hurt, the rest of me may not be injured at all. May I know that my pride can take a battering and still come back stronger than ever for more. May I know that every time my pride takes a blow, it is liable to get more defensive, nastier, more unreasonable, more feisty. May I learn to keep my upstart pride in another place, where it will not be so easily hurt—or so willing to take credit.
Today I Will Remember
Humility is the only authority over pride.
© 1989 by Hazelden Foundation
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25
September Today, I accept myself first in starting to change the things I can – and must. And to change myself so I can progress in recovery, I need the courage and brute honesty to see myself as I really am, not as I want to see myself but how others see me. If I can be strong and honest enough to see in myself what must go and what can be kept, I have to accept the good and bad before I know how to begin the work of moving forward. But, in all honesty, if the bad out-weighs the good, I can keep the good as a building block to tear away the bad. If, on the other hand, I accept myself with no improvements needed, I’ve lied to myself. Today, I pray to God for the courage to change the things I can – me. And our common journey continues.
Step by step. – Chris M.
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6
September
We Need Outside Help, p.248It was evident that a solitary self-appraisal, and the admission of our defects based upon that alone, wouldn’t be nearly enough. We’d have to have outside help if we were surely to know and admit the truth about ourselves–the help of God and of another human being.Only by discussing ourselves, holding back nothing, only by being willing to take advice and accept direction could we set foot on the road to straight thinking, solid honesty, and genuine humility.^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^If we are fooling ourselves, a competent adviser can see this quickly. And, as he skillfully guides us away from our fantasies, we are surprised to find that we have few of the usual urges to defend ourselves against unpleasant truths. In no other way can fear, pride, and ignorance be so readily melted. After a time, we realize that we are standing firm on a brand-new foundation for integrity, and we gratefully credit our sponsors, whose advice pointed the way.1. 12 & 12, p.59
2. Grapevine, August 1961
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