Walk In Dry Places 26

Competing with others
Attitude

Some of us never liked close competition. We preferred to be clear winners or not to compete at all. We didn’t like to have competitors breathing down our necks.

This attitude kept us from doing our best, and we made a mistake when we thought we were competing with others. We’re actually competing with ourselves at all times, trying to do better than we did yesterday. The presence of other people only helps us to set performance standards and goals.

Once we accept the idea of self-improvement, we can delight in competition. We can take satisfaction in situations where, though we were not number one, we came in a close second instead of a sullen last.

I’ll know today that I’m always working with others but only competing against myself.      

Walk In Dry Places 26

Am I Special?
Self-understanding

An early professional believed that alcoholics get into trouble because they thought they were SPECIAL. Thinking we’re special certainly creates all sorts of problems.

It’s true that every person is special in that no two people are exactly alike. But we’re also part of the human race, and we are bound by the general limitations that apply to everyone. We got into trouble partly because we thought we were special and could break universal commonsense rules.

When we stop thinking of ourselves as special, we also become more teachable. We learn more from the experiences of others. Then we realize that we’re both special and generic, and we use his knowledge for self-improvement rather than self-destruction.

I’ll remember today that I’m special in certain ways, but that I’m also part of the human race and subject to things that apply to everyone. 

Walk In Dry Places 26

Can We Fix Other People’s Problems?
Problem Solving


In Twelve Step work, we never run out of people who face serious problems. We’re often tempted to use our own expertise and resources to fix these problems for others.

This can be a mistake. It is always risky to undertake such assignments without a great deal of thought and understanding. Such attempts to fix others usually deal only with symptoms rather than causes.

Unless another person is totally helpless, the best course is to share experiences and knowledge with others, but to leave the problem solving to them. We should not encourage anyone to become dependent on us, nor should we set ourselves up as godlike individuals who have all the answers. We actually may be showing off instead of helping, and we may also be robbing others of the self-confidence and growth that come from fixing their own problems.

I’ll share my experiences and hope today, while refraining from trying to fix people. I don’t have answers for everybody, and it’s wrong to believe I do.   

Walk In Dry Places

Treating loved ones worse than strangers.
Personal Relations

Some of us grew up with resentments about the way our families treated us. It was confusing to notice how nice our parents could be toward strangers and then how abruptly they could become abusive toward us.

The best release for this kind of resentment is forgiveness, but we should also ask ourselves if we’re guilty of the same faults. Are we discourteous and inconsiderate toward our own children and family members? Do we apologize when we offend strangers, but not when we hurt our own children?

We should try to treat everyone with fairness and kindness. No family member should be subjected to our incessant criticism and rudeness. We owe them the same courtesies we extend to strangers.

If I’ve had bad examples of abusive treatment in my own early years, I’ll change the pattern by treating my own family with fairness and kindness, starting today.

Why not sign up to get emails with all daily posts included?
Or Follow Us On Twitter #essentialsofrecovery

Walk In Dry Places 26

Treating loved ones worse than strangers.
Personal Relations

Some of us grew up with resentments about the way our families treated us. It was confusing to notice how nice our parents could be toward strangers and then how abruptly they could become abusive toward us.

The best release for this kind of resentment is forgiveness, but we should also ask ourselves if we’re guilty of the same faults. Are we discourteous and inconsiderate toward our own children and family members? Do we apologize when we offend strangers, but not when we hurt our own children?

We should try to treat everyone with fairness and kindness. No family member should be subjected to our incessant criticism and rudeness. We owe them the same courtesies we extend to strangers.

If I’ve had bad examples of abusive treatment in my own early years, I’ll change the pattern by treating my own family with fairness and kindness, starting today.    

Walk In Dry Places 26

Watch out for peer pressure
Maintaining Sobriety

It’s said that peer pressure often draws young people into alcoholism and drug addition. As adults following a recovery program, we also are susceptible to peer pressure.

At a cocktail reception, for example, some people may express mild pity that we’re having “only soft drinks,” as if we’re doing a form of penance. Or they may express exaggerated admiration for our success in recovery. Even this can make us feel different.

We need not be critical of such reactions. The fact is that we are somewhat different when we’re staying sober in situations where excessive drinking is normal.

We should not, however, make this our problem if others draw attention to it. This is peer pressure, but we should be mature enough to dismiss it.

Whatever situation I’m in today, if I know I’m on the right path, I’ll not be swayed by the opinions and comments of others. Their opinions cannot affect me if I know I’m doing the right thing.    

Walk In Dry Places

“That’s the way I am”

Bad behavior is sometimes justified as a form of self-expression: “That’s the way I am.” Others are supposed to tolerate this or risk losing a friendship.

In our program, we should modify any behavior that offends or hurts others. If we have been too brutally frank in our comments, for example, maybe we’re at fault. What we call honesty is really a form of cruelty.

If we persist in “being the way we are” even when it doesn’t work, we have nobody to blame but ourselves when things go wrong. Other people are entitled to be treated fairly and decently. Just as we want to be. Perhaps “the way I am” is something that can be changed for the good of all, ourselves included.

If I have habits and traits that cause friction with others, I’ll take a new look at them. It’s possible that this is something I can and should change.   

Walk In Dry Places 26

Who is sincere?
Sincerity.

We sometimes dismiss others people’s relapses with the explanation that they didn’t really want to stay sober or that they lacked sincerity of purpose.

We have no way of gauging just how sincere anybody really is. Even in trying to understand ourselves, we may detect traces of double-mindedness that got us into trouble. Even if we’ve been sober for years, the old desire to drink can be lurking somewhere in the back of our minds. It’s wise to assume that this is so even when there’s no conscious desire to drink. If hidden desires to drink still persist even after years of sobriety, it points to the persistence of the disease…. Not to one’s insincerity.

It may even be that sincerity, like sobriety, has to be sought on a daily basis. Perhaps we are capable of being sincere today, and then lapse into insincerity tomorrow. To accept this is a sign of prudence and maturity, and perhaps even a measure of humility.

I’ll seek to be sincere today about the things that really count. If I know I’m insincere in certain areas, I’ll seek more understanding about it.    

Walk IN Dry Places

Group Intelligence
Getting Ideas

“All of us know more than any one of us” is the saying that applies to 12 Step groups. No matter how much experience any single individual has, it’s surpassed by the collective knowledge of the group.

That’s a good reason in itself for drawing upon these groups. And there are others as well. We need the pool of intelligence that the groups build up over time. We need the group’s strength when our own is waning.

We also learn help that comes in surprising ways. The person in the group who seems just knowledgeable may express an idea that is just what we need at the time.

The group can meet many of our needs if we give it a chance. Regular attendance at meetings will keep us in touch with the group’s ideas.
I’ll stay in touch today with ideas that come from members of my group. Joined together, we have lots of knowledge.  

Walk In Dry Places 26

Flattery or Praise?
Human relations

Flattery and praise are social lubricants that serve human purposes. But flattery is merely manipulative, while genuine praise is beneficial to everybody.

Many of us with troubled back grounds also have trouble giving and accepting praise.Sometimes we mistake flattery for praise and use it either to manipulate others or allow ourselves to be manipulated. Perhaps we’re either too proud or too self-conscious to deal with real praise.

Another mistake is in believing that praise should be given out only sparingly, only after outstanding achievement. Not so, we need to give and receive praise continuously in order to reach higher levels of achievement. Knowing it’s importance, we’ll also learn howto avoid flattery.

I’ll offer both verbal and silent praise today in my dealing with others. We’ll all benefit from it.

Walk In Dry Places

The True Security
Security


We can feel insecure for many reasons, but the fundamental reason is that we do not have a firm anchorage in our Higher Power. This anchorage must be our true security, and it is really the only form that can survive any attack.

Regardless of who we are, we can know and feel that our Higher Power is guiding and directing us at all times. If we find ourselves being threatened by a person or situation, we can deal with it by knowing that our Higher Power is in charge of all outcomes. If we envy somebody, we must get back to an acknowledgment of God as the source of everything.

If we feel inadequate around people who seem to be immensely self-confident and secure, we should not try to imitate their manner and behavior. Rather, we should simply put our trust in our own Higher Power, and our feeling of true security will express itself in proper ways.

All the things we view today as being secure are probably only temporary. Our ture security can come only from God.

Walk In Dry Places

Spiritual guidance.

If we go through the day with a confidence that our Higher Power is with us, events will go better than they would if we hadn’t held to this belief. We will be more effective in everything we do. We will actually have more power in all activities.

This is what is meant in the Eleventh Step; “the power to carry that out.” Knowing that the Higher power is in our lives, we also find the power to do what we believe to be God’s will for us. As this confidence strengthens and is seasoned by experience, it becomes part of our nature.

Eventually, we’ll sense our Higher Power working in our lives. We can learn to accept this with the same sure belief that we accept the sun’s rising and the changing of the seasons. And we’ll have the power to do whatever must be done by us.

A conscious contact with God can raise my daily activities to higher levels, giving me the power of achievement. 

Walk In Dry Places

Hurrying up to wait?
Practicing Serenity.

We often urge ourselves to hurry up when there’s no good reason for it. At such times, all we really do is create needless tension and anxiety.

The slogan “EASY DOES IT” is our answer to such calls to hurry. The slogan suggests that we simply move into the rhythms of life and “go with the flow.”

It’s not hurrying but steady effort that finally brings achievement. We’ve had entirely too much hurry and impatience. What we really need is confident, persistent effort in the right direction. We should be especially reminded of hits when we see anxious, impatient people speeding through traffic only to be forced to wait at traffic lights, risking life and limb to save a few seconds. A good seady pace is what we need, and it will win the game.

I”ll be active today, but not overactive. I’ll look for rhythm and efficiency in everything I do.

Walk In Dry Places

What is a new freedom?
Release

We’re promised a “new freedom” in the 12 Step program. How does this differ from the “old freedom” we’ve known?

The new freedom is an inner feeling of release from the bondage of compulsion. We are no longer serving as our own jailers. We are free from useless things that have held us back. Think of the burdens we had assumed by fearing others, by holding grudges, by having needless regrets.

This new freedom has nothing to do with political or civil liberties, which we hope to enjoy as our birthright. But nobody can give us freedom if we are locked into compulsions that bind us. We must seek the new freedom within ourselves.

Throughout the day, I’ll think of myself as a completely free person. I’m free at last from the bondage I imposed upon myself.

Walk In Dry Places

We never arrive
Finding Happiness.

We delude ourselves if we believe that our happiness and well-being will come when we reach a certain goal. Whatever happiness and well-being we obtain must come through the process of living in ordinary, everyday situations.

If we observe carefully, we’ll find lots of happy people who are in situations or work that we might consider unpleasant. It is not the work or situation that creates happiness and fulfillment. What counts is the ATTITUDE toward it.

Those of us in 12 Step programs should have special insight into the issue of happiness. We tried to find it, here and now, in false ways. But it is available to us, here and now, in ordinary living.

I’ll be happy today in knowing that I’m blessed with the ordinary tasks of life.

Walk In Dry Places

The Possible Dream
Reaching objectives.

Although we hear people ridicule the practice of daydreaming, we also hear them express admiration for people who pursued and realized their dreams. How do we know when we are pursing the right dreams?

Useful, effective dreams may seem farfetched, but they still have a possibility of fulfillment. In some ways, they’re tied to what we can do if we have the right opportunities and use our talents properly.

Fantasies, or useless dreams, can never happen. Fantasies are often based on our past and how it might have been different. It’s also useless to fantasize about feats that are completely beyond anything we could ever do. These dreams are a waste of time and energy.

What’s exciting, however, is that very person can find dreams that are possible and based on reality. It’s important to pursue these dreams and bring them into realization.

I’ll keep my realistic dreams very much alive today, knowing they’re the patterns I need for reaching my long-term objectives.

Walk In Dry Places

Self-esteem in responsible work
self-confidence.

“Whatever your hand finds to do, do it with all your might,” goes an ancient saying. However long ago this was said, it applies to our work here and now.

Part of recovery lies in doing useful and satisfying work. We can’t wait until the “perfect” job appears. Our success will come in doing the very best we can in our present situation. If we’re unemployed, we can still be useful and active in ways that will help us find the right situation.

And as we work for a living, we’ll find that another important benefit of our work will be greater self-esteem. We’ll have more respect for ourselves as we continue to be both productive and active.

Whatever my job is, I’ll give it my best today. I’ll be grateful for having the opportunity to work productively.

Walk In Dry Places

Solving Problems is the Proof
Spiritual Guidance.

Although we try, it’s almost impossible for us to use logic to prove the existence (for nonexistence) of God. Our best proof of God’s activity in our lives has to come from personal experience.

That’s the message of the 12 Step movement: God has done for us what we could not do for ourselves. We cannot be responsible for setting simmering religious and doctrinal issues that have been around for centuries. We can find our own help by following the example of others in the 12 Step program.

When spiritual guidance brings answers and solutions, we don’t have to defend or justify our belief in our Higher Power. What better proof do we need than evidence that the program does work?

I’ll follow my Higher Power today and then let the results speak for themselves.

Walk In Dry Places

Pats on the back
Self-esteem
Recovery from a compulsive illness such as alcoholism often brings “pats on the back.” This praise is a welcome change from the criticism our problems once raised.

We should accept such pats on the back graciously, but without taking the personal credit this sort of praise implies. We can become addicted to praise seeking, and we may even invite it as a way of building up self-esteem.

Moreover, much of our challenge is still ahead of us. The real victory may be in learning how to live after we’ve established our initial freedom. We learn that all human beings must face issues such as boredom and pain, which we tried to avoid with our drinking. We may get few pats on the back for our success in this everyday living, but our healthier lifestyle is reward enough.

If I receive praise today, I’ll acknowledge it graciously, knowing that such praise is not necessary for my well-being.

Walk In Dry Places

Foolish Risks
Maintaining the New Way

There are only a few practices that really must be considered unacceptable for recovering people. AA even concedes, for example, that there’s nothing wrong with having lunch with a friend in a far if one’s house is in order.

Under no circumstances, however, should recovering people do anything that puts their sobriety at risk. The stakes are TOO HIGH. Recovery is to precious. The new life is to important.

What practices might come under the heading of risky? A dangerous one, common among young and old alcoholics alike, is returning to the old crowd that’s still drinking and drugging. It’s risky to associate with our former drinking lifestyles, and we’ll recognize this if we’re working our program.

Part of the honesty I’ll practice today is knowing my own motives for everything I do.