Who Is To Blame?, p. 222At Step Four we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, and frightened? Though a given situation had not been entirely our fault, we often tried to cast the whole blame on the other person involved.We finally saw that the inventory should be ours, not the other man’s. So we admitted our wrongs honestly and became willing to set these matters straight.
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 67
Who’s to blame?
Personal responsibility.Unless we’re unusual, we’ve probably accepted the widespread practice of blaming certain individuals and groups when trouble occurs. Most likely, we’ll also have people whom we blame for our own difficulties: unloving parents, careless teachers, unfair bosses, and others on an endless list.However accurate it may be, such blame-placing does nothing constructive. It really serves only to reinforce our bitterness and resentment, thus assuring that more of the same “injustices” will come to us.The real truth is that we have no complete explanation for the world’s individual and social wrongs. While certain individuals are admittedly guilty of wrongdoing, it often turns out that they’ve also been victims of cruelty or neglect. Our goal, as people committed to a spiritual way of life, is to reise above all blame placing while striving for improvement in our own treatment of others.Though I may read and hear much to the contrary, I’ll resist the notion that certain people or groups must be held accountable for the world’s problems. I’ll focus my attention, this day, on improvement in my own life.
Taking responsibility for the part I play in the cause of my problems frees me to do something about them.~ Kathy McGraw ~We used to love to blame other people for the burdens and hurdles in our lives. That someone else was to blame for our personal upset was as obvious to us as rain splashing against the windshield. Yet the longer we looked at others rather than at ourselves, the more stuck we became in old behavior.We’ve since come to understand that we simply cannot grow, we cannot harvest the fruits of this recovery program, unless we develop a willingness to take responsibility for who we are at every instant of our lives. As we begin taking responsibility for our actions, we feel empowered. We realize that we are who we have chosen to be. And we will be who we decide we want to be. As that reality permeates our consciousness, we will begin to know that our hopes can become real, because the promises in the Big Book are real.I will feel strengthened by claiming responsibility for all that I am today. Before taking action, I can pause and consider whether I will feel good about my choice.© 1994 by Hazelden Foundation
A WORD TO DROP: "BLAME"
To see how erratic emotions victimized us often took a long time. We could perceive them quickly in others, but only slowly in ourselves First of all, we had to admit that we had many of these defects, even though such disclosures were painful and humiliating. Where other people were concerned, we had to drop the word “blame” from our speech and thought
~ TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 47 ~
When I did my Fourth Step, following the Big Book guidelines, I noticed that my grudge list was filled with my prejudices and my blaming others for my not being able to succeed and to live up to my potential. I also discovered I felt different because I was black. As I continued to work on the Step, I learned that I always had drunk to rid myself of those feelings. It was only when I sobered up and worked on my inventory, that I could no longer blame anyone.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services Inc
Thinking about Blame.
Inventory.
Which is worse: blaming ourselves or others for things that go wrong? A better question might be, Is anyone to blame?
We’re really better off, in 12 Step living, to begin dropping the idea of placing blame for our thinking altogether. Even is someone’s responsibility for a mistake or wrong is fully evident, we get nowhere by pointing the finger at him or her. What often happens, in fact, is that the person becomes defensive… just as we do… And retreats into denial or anger.
Another problem is that placing blame quickly becomes the sticky business of taking another person’s inventory. Let’s leave such matters to courts and prosecutions and focus instead on solving our own problems.
I’ll not waste time today thinking about who’s to blame. My focus will be on what can be done for general improvement.
Who Is To Blame?, p. 222At Step Four we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, and frightened? Though a given situation had not been entirely our fault, we often tried to cast the whole blame on the other person involved.We finally saw that the inventory should be ours, not the other man’s. So we admitted our wrongs honestly and became willing to set these matters straight.
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 67
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RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR ACTIONS
MaturityThe practice of scapegoating goes way back to biblical times. It’s easier to blame others for our problems than to take personal responsibility for facing and solving these problems.In the AA program, however, there’s nothing that serves as a basis for blaming others. In every way, AA insists that alcoholics take personal responsibility—not only for finding and maintaining sobriety, but also for past wrongs and personal shortcomings. This is a difficult change for alcoholics who have believed that many of their problems were caused by others.But being forced to take responsibility for our actions is a blessing in disguise. It fairly shouts the good news that we can take charge of our lives despite what others think and do. With God’s help, we can change ourselves into the people we ought to be. We are fortunate that life is arranged to give us this personal responsibility— where would we be if our recovery depended only on others?We also learn that this responsibility is not limited to our drinking. We are responsible for everything we think and do, and we have the power to make improvements in our lives beginning today.I will go through the day without blaming others for my problems. I will feel grateful today that I am responsible, that personal responsibility is part of my God-given free will.© 1996 by Hazelden Foundation
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Reflection for the Day
Looking back, I realize just how much of my life has been spent in dwelling upon the faults of others. It provided much self-satisfaction, to be sure, but I see now just how subtle and actually perverse the process became. After all was said and done, the net effect of dwelling on the so-called faults of others was self-granted permission to remain comfortably unaware of my own defects. Do I still point my finger at others and thus self-deceptively overlook my own shortcomings?
Today I Pray
May I see that my preoccupation with the faults of others is really a smokescreen to keep me from taking a hard look at my own, as well as a way to bolster my own failing ego. May I check out the “why’s” of my blaming.
Today I Will Remember
Blame-saying is game-playing.
© 1989 by Hazelden Foundation
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Thinking about Blame.
Inventory.
Which is worse: blaming ourselves or others for things that go wrong? A better question might be, Is anyone to blame?
We’re really better off, in 12 Step living, to begin dropping the idea of placing blame for our thinking altogether. Even is someone’s responsibility for a mistake or wrong is fully evident, we get nowhere by pointing the finger at him or her. What often happens, in fact, is that the person becomes defensive… just as we do… And retreats into denial or anger.
Another problem is that placing blame quickly becomes the sticky business of taking another person’s inventory. Let’s leave such matters to courts and prosecutions and focus instead on solving our own problems.
I’ll not waste time today thinking about who’s to blame. My focus will be on what can be done for general improvement.
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Or Follow Us On Twitter #essentialsofrecovery
Who Is To Blame?, p. 222At Step Four we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, and frightened? Though a given situation had not been entirely our fault, we often tried to cast the whole blame on the other person involved.We finally saw that the inventory should be ours, not the other man’s. So we admitted our wrongs honestly and became willing to set these matters straight.
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 67
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WORD TO DROP: “BLAME”To see how erratic emotions victimized us often took a long time. Wecould perceive them quickly in others, but only slowly in ourselves.First of all, we had to admit that we had many of these defects, eventhough such disclosures were painful and humiliating. Where otherpeople were concerned, we had to drop the word “blame” from ourspeech and thought.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 47When I did my Fourth Step, following the Big Book guidelines, Inoticed that my grudge list was filled with my prejudices and myblaming others for my not being able to succeed and to live up to mypotential. I also discovered I felt different because I was black. As Icontinued to work on the Step, I learned that I always had drunk to ridmyself of those feelings. It was only when I sobered up and worked onmy inventory, that I could no longer blame anyone.
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People are always blaming their circumstances for what they are.
— George Bernard ShawIt’s easy to let circumstances determine how we think and behave. While it’s true that some events seem devastating, our relationship with a Higher Power can help us accept and even grow from experiences that seem impossible to cope with.We all have known men and women who’ve handled grave upsets far more easily than we have. How did they do it? They have no magic. Rather, they may be more comfortable letting their Higher Power help them accept and understand unfortunate circumstances. Once we accept our anger or disappointment, we’re free to move on to better feelings. We begin to realize we have choices in how we look at problems.We are never given more than we can handle. We can develop acceptance of any circumstances, but our success in doing so comes mainly through our reliance on God to show us the way.God will help me handle the uncontrollable events of today. Through acceptance, I can change my feelings at any moment – even right now.From the book:
In God’s Care by Karen Casey
In God’s Care by Karen Casey. © 1991 by Hazelden Foundation
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Who Is To Blame?,
p. 222At Step Four we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, and frightened? Though a given situation had not been entirely our fault, we often tried to cast the whole blame on the other person involved.We finally saw that the inventory should be ours, not the other man’s. So we admitted our wrongs honestly and became willing to set these matters straight.
Page 67
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The child that lives in all of us is always willing to take the blame.~ Margaret Haigh We sometimes wonder if all women feel as we do. How many times do we apologize for situations that go awry, even those we had no part in? When conflicts erupt, why is it so easy to assume it’s our fault?. When we fear we aren’t adequate as women, It’s a small step to accepting blame for every ripple In a circumstance. We become obsessed with trying to control the uncontrollable, and then we think we’re at fault when we fail.Mood-altering chemicals appealed to us because they temporarily made us feel good about ourselves. Because we’re human, we don’t always feel good about ourselves. But now we have friends we run talk to in the most intimate way and program tools that can improve our attitude. The longer we’re sober, the more obvious it is that our attitude is the culprit. Changing it changes everything!I am not to blame for anyone else’s problems today. Accepting blame was a habit. Cultivating a better attitude can be a habit too.© 1994 by Hazelden Foundation
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No one can make you mad, sad, or glad but yourself.~ Anonymous ~Blaming someone else for who we are reflects our immaturity. If we are surrounded by people who don’t take care of themselves, we continue to blame others, quite successfully. We’ll never grow into the women we are capable of becoming until we accept full responsibility for our actions, thoughts, aspirations, defeats, and successes.It’s not as hard to be responsible for ourselves as we might imagine. When we make the first move to be fully accountable, the feeling of being overwhelmed passes. Knowing that no one can ever make us feel uncomfortable, in any situation or circumstance, gives us immense relief. It’s akin to being given a new life, a new personality, a new future.Knowing I will feel however I decide to feel today fills me with hope and enthusiasm.© 1994 by Hazelden Foundation
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Thinking about Blame.
Inventory.
Which is worse: blaming ourselves or others for things that go wrong? A better question might be, Is anyone to blame?
We’re really better off, in 12 Step living, to begin dropping the idea of placing blame for our thinking altogether. Even is someone’s responsibility for a mistake or wrong is fully evident, we get nowhere by pointing the finger at him or her. What often happens, in fact, is that the person becomes defensive… just as we do… And retreats into denial or anger.
Another problem is that placing blame quickly becomes the sticky business of taking another person’s inventory. Let’s leave such matters to courts and prosecutions and focus instead on solving our own problems.
I’ll not waste time today thinking about who’s to blame. My focus will be on what can be done for general improvement.
Why not sign up to get emails with all daily posts included?
Or Follow Us On Twitter #essentialsofrecovery
Who Is To Blame?, p. 222At Step Four we resolutely looked for our own mistakes. Where had we been selfish, dishonest, self-seeking, and frightened? Though a given situation had not been entirely our fault, we often tried to cast the whole blame on the other person involved.We finally saw that the inventory should be ours, not the other man’s. So we admitted our wrongs honestly and became willing to set these matters straight.
Alcoholics Anonymous, p. 67
Why not sign up to get emails with all daily posts included?
Or Follow Us On Twitter #essentialsofrecovery
Thinking about Blame.
Inventory.
Which is worse: blaming ourselves or others for things that go wrong? A better question might be, Is anyone to blame?
We’re really better off, in 12 Step living, to begin dropping the idea of placing blame for our thinking altogether. Even is someone’s responsibility for a mistake or wrong is fully evident, we get nowhere by pointing the finger at him or her. What often happens, in fact, is that the person becomes defensive… just as we do… And retreats into denial or anger.
Another problem is that placing blame quickly becomes the sticky business of taking another person’s inventory. Let’s leave such matters to courts and prosecutions and focus instead on solving our own problems.
I’ll not waste time today thinking about who’s to blame. My focus will be on what can be done for general improvement.
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Or Follow Us On Twitter #essentialsofrecovery
"We habitually erect a barrier called blame that keeps us from communicating genuinely with others, and we fortify it with our concepts of who's right and who's wrong. We do that with the people who are closest to us and we do it with political systems, with all kinds of things that we don't like about our associates or our society. It is a very common, ancient, well-perfected device for trying to feel better. Blame others. Blaming is a way to protect your heart, trying to protect what is soft and open and tender in yourself. Rather than own that pain, we scramble to find some comfortable ground."
~Pema Chodron
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Who’s to blame?
Personal responsibility.
Unless we’re unusual, we’ve probably accepted the widespread practice of blaming certain individuals and groups when trouble occurs. Most likely, we’ll also have people whom we blame for our own difficulties: unloving parents, careless teachers, unfair bosses, and others on an endless list.
However accurate it may be, such blame-placing does nothing constructive. It really serves only to reinforce our bitterness and resentment, thus assuring that more of the same “injustices” will come to us.
The real truth is that we have no complete explanation for the world’s individual and social wrongs. While certain individuals are admittedly guilty of wrongdoing, it often turns out that they’ve also been victims of cruelty or neglect. Our goal, as people committed to a spiritual way of life, is to reise above all blame placing while striving for improvement in our own treatment of others.
Though I may read and hear much to the contrary, I’ll resist the notion that certain people or groups must be held accountable for the world’s problems. I’ll focus my attention, this day, on improvement in my own life.
Why not sign up to get emails with all daily posts included?
Or Follow Us On Twitter #essentialsofrecovery
