Friday 21 March 2014

Step 1 - “We admitted we were powerless over alcohol— that our lives had become unmanagable ...

Step 1 is the one step we must get 100% every day. Vital for the recovery of any addict. It is our first step to freedom. We admit to ourselves that something is seriously wrong in our lives. The 'We' part tells me that I cannot do this on my own. That we can do together what I can't do by myself. Step one tells me that it is a statistical fact that ever since man first crushed grapes no one so assailed has won through in single handed combat. Says it all really.

My whole life was a mess. I admitted this and upon entering A.A. I realized that I needed to get out of the debating society. Was I an alcoholic or not? My own experience told me that yes I certainly was. Every single bad event in my life was directly attributable to booze.  Of course I didn't want to be an alcoholic but the facts were staring me in the face. I quit trying to play games. It took me some time however to realize that my life had become unmanageable. Booze was in control and not me also I was a slave to my emotions. They dictated how I would behave, react and often make decisions. I was beat and I knew it. My life was no longer under my control.  I hated that. That was my powerlessness. I could no longer determine what was going to happen when I  took drink. After all I was doing things that I would later regret and telling myself that I wouldn't do them again. But I'd keep on doing them, in spite of my regrets, denials, shame, guilt, remorse, vows, cover-ups and facades. Addiction ruled my life. Not me.I had to surrender once and for all. First to booze then to life. I was beat and glad that the fight was now over. Thank God I have never re-entered the ring. I could not do this without the help of A.A. meetings, the program and the help of a sponsor. Nor could I sustain this.

The fact is that most alcoholics, for reasons yet obscure, have lost the power of choice in drink. Our so-called willpower becomes practically non-existent. We are unable, at certain times, to bring into our consciousness with sufficient force the memory of the suffering and humiliation of even a week or a month ago. We are without defense against the first drink.

- A.A. Big Book - (Substitute drink for your own addiction. if your addiction is different to alcohol)

The principle that we will find no enduring strength until we first admit complete defeat is the main taproot from which our whole Society has sprung and flowered.

- Twelve Steps and Twelve Traditions, p. 22

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