Today’s Gift

Resentment



Of all the negative emotions, resentment diminishes us the most. It brings unwarranted anger toward those who have something we want, and self-pity for ourselves. It drains us of the energy we need to change our lives and work toward goals. Resentment keeps us in a rigid judgment of who “should” and who “should not” achieve success; all “should” attitudes are pointless, breeding discontent and wasting time. Above all, resentment is ugly to see and even uglier to feel. When I’m resentful, I feel hatred toward others and myself.

Today, I ask for the humility to accept my limitations, without resenting others who have exceeded them. I ask for the courage to pursue my own goals, not comparing myself to others.

From the book:

                                                     Help for Helpers by Anonymous   

Walk In Dry Places

When resentment Returns
Inventory

It’s surprising and even humiliating to find an old resentment flaring up, sometimes years after we thought it had been put to rest. When that happens, we wonder how thorough we really were in releasing the resentment in the first place.

The secret of handling this problem is to turn the old resentment over to our Higher Power without wasting time wondering why it came up again. We need to deal with it as if it were a brand-new problem; and in a sense, it is.

As for questioning our past sincerity, that too is a waste of time. We are always trying to do our best with the understanding we have for each day. Being too hard on us does not make it easier to practice our program. Resentments can and do return, but they don’t have to destroy us.
I’ll realize today that I’m always susceptible to any of my ongoing problems, including resentment. Fortunately, I have my program for dealing with them when they occur.  

Just For Today

Resentment And Forgiveness

“Where there has been wrong, the program teaches us the spirit of forgiveness.” 

Basic Text p.12

In NA, we begin to interact with the world around us. We no longer live in isolation. But freedom from isolation has its price.

The more we interact with people, the more often we’ll find someone stepping on our toes. And such are the circumstances in which resentments are often born.

Resentments, justified or not, are dangerous to our ongoing recovery. The longer we harbor resentments, the more bitter they become, eventually poisoning us. To stay clean, we must find the capacity to let go of our resentments, the capacity to forgive. We first develop this capacity in working Steps Eight and Nine, and we keep it alive by regularly taking the Tenth Step. Sometimes when we are unwilling to forgive, it helps to remember that we, too, may someday require another person’s forgiveness. Haven’t we all, at one time or another, done something that we deeply regretted? And aren’t we healed in some measure when others accept our sincere amends?

An attitude of forgiveness is a little easier to develop when we remember that we are all doing the very best we can. And someday we, too, will need forgiveness.

Just for today: I will let go of my resentments. Today, if I am wronged, I will practice forgiveness, knowing that I need forgiveness myself.   

A Day At A Time 26

Reflection For The Day

What can we do about our resentments? Fruitful experience has shown that the best thing to do is to write them down, listing people, institutions or principles with which we’re angry or resentful. When I write down my resentments and then ask myself why I’m resentful, I’ve discovered that in most cases myself-esteem, my finances, my ambitions, or my personal relationships have been hurt or threatened. Will I ever learn that the worst thing about my resentments is my endless rehearsal of the acts of retribution?

Today I Pray

May God help me find a way to get rid of my resentments. May I give up the hours spent making up little playlets, in which I star as the angry man or woman cleverly shouting down the person who has threatened me. Since these dramas are never produced, may I instead list my resentful feelings and look at the why’s behind each one. May this be a way of shelving them.

Today I Will Remember

Resentments cause violence: resentments cause illness in non-violent people.  

One Day At A Time

RESENTMENT

”When you hold resentment toward another, you are bound to that person or condition by an emotional link that is stronger than steel. Forgiveness is the only way to dissolve that link and get free.”

–Catherine Ponder

I once had a situation in which someone I was acquainted with said unkind things about my weight and verbally attacked my spouse in front of my daughter. I worried and revisited the situation over and over for many years until the anger turned to resentment and became a major, entrenched grudge. Because so many of my eating issues stem from emotional ones, this would drive me to eat in an effort to dull, numb and forget my anger. That didn’t work ~ the eating didn’t stop that anger from turning into resentment.

When I would complain about this situation to a friend, she told me that I had to stop allowing that person to “rent space in my mind.” I came to realize that I had allowed — and even nurtured — a negative energetic link to that person and situation. I couldn’t let go of resentment until I was willing to take the needed steps in program and to forgive. Forgiving doesn’t mean I didn’t learn anything from the situation, and I haven’t forgotten the unkind words. But I learned that I needed to be more cautious in my dealings with this type of individual. I learned I can’t surround myself with people who are overly-negative and say poisonous things without accepting any accountability for their actions. I have learned that I can be accountable for mine, and that I no longer have to allow myself to be bound by an emotional link to the situation.

One day at a time…

I will ask my Higher Power to help me to learn to forgive and forget. With the help of my Higher Power, I will let go of unnecessary baggage that causes resentment.

~ Deb B. 

As Bill Sees It

Coping With Anger, p. 179

Few people have been more victimized by resentments than have we alcoholics. A burst of temper could spoil a day, and a well-nursed grudge could make us miserably ineffective. Nor were we ever skillful in separating justified from unjustified anger. As we saw it, our wrath was always justified. Anger, that occasional luxury of more balanced people, could keep us on an emotional jag indefinitely. These “dry benders’ often led straight to the bottle.

<< << << >> >> >>

Nothing pays off like restraint of tongue and pen. We must avoid quick-tempered criticism, furious power-driven argument, sulking, and silent scorn. These are emotional booby traps baited with pride and vengefulness. When we are tempted by the bait, we should train ourselves to step back and think. We can neither think nor act to good purpose until the habit of self-restraint has become automatic.

12 & 12
1. p. 90
2. p. 91 

Step by Step May 22 2026

“It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. …But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave. We found that it is fatal.” 

– Alcoholics Anonymous, Third Edition, 1976, Ch 5, p 66
Today, I will understand and accept that resentments are both futile and unhappy and, by holding onto them, other words in the Big Book are gospel: ” …(H)arboring such (resentment), we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the Spirit. The insanity of alcohol returns and we drink again. And with us, to drink is to die.” Because I cannot afford to empower anything so strongly that my sobriety and, subsequently, my life are imperiled, I will listen to my Higher Power for the way to release to Him my resentments without taking them back. By holding onto and later taking back resentment, I must follow the Big Book’s conclusion that I am still spiritually sick and that the sickness can magnify to trigger a slip or relapse. Today, I beg in sincerity and humility for the courage, strength and willingness to release that which I cannot control. And our common journey continues. 

Step by step. Chris M.

Daily Reflections - May 15 2026

KNOW GOD; KNOW PEACE


It is plain that a life which includes deep resentment leads only to futility and unhappiness. . . . But with the alcoholic, whose hope is the maintenance and growth of a spiritual experience, this business of resentment is infinitely grave.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p 66

Know God;
Know peace.

No God;
No peace.

As Bill Sees It - May 14 2026

Coping With Anger, p. 179

Few people have been more victimized by resentments than have we alcoholics. A burst of temper could spoil a day, and a well-nursed grudge could make us miserably ineffective. Nor were we ever skillful in separating justified from unjustified anger. As we saw it, our wrath was always justified. Anger, that occasional luxury of more balanced people, could keep us on an emotional jag indefinitely. These “dry benders’ often led straight to the bottle.

Nothing pays off like restraint of tongue and pen. We must avoid quick-tempered criticism, furious power-driven argument, sulking, and silent scorn. These are emotional booby traps baited with pride and vengeful emotions. When we are tempted by the bait, we should train ourselves to step back and think. We can neither think nor act to good purpose until the habit of self-restraint has become automatic.

12 & 12
1. p. 90
2. p. 91

Keep It Simple - May 13 2026

Hating people is like burning down your own house to get rid of a rat.

—Harry Emerson Fosdick

Hate is like an illness. It steals our hope, our love, our relationships. Hate puts distance between people. Hate can give us a false sense of power. Do I use hate to make myself feel important?

Our program tells us to let go of hate. Hate and sobriety don’t mix. Hate doesn’t let us connect with our Higher Power.

Ours is a program of love and respect. We’re taught that if someone treats us wrong, we still should be respectful in our response. Why? Because we’re changed by our actions. If we act with hate, we become hateful. If we act in a respectful way, we become respectable.

Prayer for the Day: Hate is the drug of those who are afraid. Higher Power, help me to be free from hate today.

Action for the Day: It’s self-centered to hate. Today, I’ll read pages 60-62 of Alcoholics Anonymous(Third Edition) about being self-centered.

Walk in Dry Places - May 12 2026

Repeating the old hurts
Serenity

It’s been pointed out that the real meaning of resentment is to re-feel an old injury. This means that we let ourselves feel again the pain we had when we were previously wronged.

Common sense tells us that this is a foolish practice. But with emotions like resentment, common sense can be crowded out. It is a rare person who can avoid resentment about matters that caused deep injury. Resentment is so much a part of everyday life. In fact, that it’s considered abnormal not to resent a real wrong.

We’ve also been conditioned to believe that we’re being spineless and wimpy if we don’t become outraged by certain injustices and wrongs. There’s a difference, however, between feeling strongly that something is wrong and being sullen and resentful about it. The first kind of feeling helps us remedy the problem; the second feeling simply intensifies our hurt. Under no circumstances can we afford resentment.

I’ll make this day resentment-free, despite the currents of feeling and bitterness around me. “Re-feeling” old injuries is not the way to the happier life I seek.

Just For Today - - April 27 2026

Recognizing And Releasing Resentments
“We want to look our past in the face, see it for what it really was, and release it so we can live today.”Basic Text p. 28
Many of us had trouble identifying our resentments when we were new in recovery. There we sat with our Fourth Step in front of us, thinking and thinking, finally deciding that we just didn’t have any resentments. Perhaps we talked ourselves into believing that we weren’t so sick after all.

Such unwitting denial of our resentments stems from the conditioning of our addiction. Most of our feelings were buried, and buried deep. After some time in recovery, a new sense of understanding develops. Our most deeply buried feelings begin to surface, and those resentments we thought we didn’t have suddenly emerge.

As we examine these resentments, we may feel tempted to hold onto some of them, especially if we think they are “justified.” But what we need to remember is that “justified” resentments are just as burdensome as any other resentment.

As our awareness of our liabilities grows, so does our responsibility to let go. We no longer need to hang on to our resentments. We want to rid ourselves of what’s undesirable and set ourselves free to recover.

Just for today: When I discover a resentment, I’ll see it for what it is and let it go. 

EASY DOES IT - April 19 2026

H.A.L.T.H.A.L.T. = Don’t get too hungry, or too angry, or too lonely, or too tired.

~ Anonymous ~

The Fellowship has seen many men and women recover from very low and terrible bottoms. When the Steps are carefully worked, miracles can be expected. The lessons aren’t hard to understand. The signposts to a relapse are well marked. We can learn a lot from people who have fallen away from the Program.

Don’t get too hungry. When we are weak physically, it affects our spiritual life. When hungry, eat. We need to stay away from anger altogether. Anger is the breeder of resentments. We have been eaten alive by our grudges. Cool off. Loneliness makes us an easy mark for the many voices that tempt us away from the Program. When we feel loneliness coming on, we go to a meeting or use the phone. When we become tired, it is easy for us to remember the chemical pick-me-ups we relied on. When we’re tired, we need to rest.

Let me remember to eat the right foods, stay calm, use the Fellowship, and rest.

©1990 by Anonymous. All rights reserved. Published by Hazelden.

A DAY AT A TIME - April 17 2026

Reflection for the Day

The Program teaches me to remain on guard against impatience, lapses into self-pity, and resentments of the words and deeds of others. Though I must never forget what it used to be like, neither should I permit myself to take tormenting excursions into the past—merely for the sake of self-indulgent morbidity. Now that I’m alert to the danger signals, I know I’m improving day by day. If a crisis arises, or any problem baffles me, do I hold it up to the light of the Serenity Prayer?

Today I Pray

I pray for perspective as I review the past. May I curb my impulse to upstage and outdo the members of my group by regaling them with the horrors of my addiction. May I no longer use the past to document my self-pity or submerge myself in guilt. May memories of those miserable earlier days serve me only as sentinels, guarding against hazardous situations or unhealthy sets of mind.

Today I Will Remember

I cannot change the past.

© 1989 by Hazelden Foundation

DAILY REFLECTIONS - April 15 2026

THE BONDAGE OF RESENTMENTS

. . . harboring resentment is infinitely grave. For then we shut ourselves off from the sunlight of the spirit.

~ AS BILL SEES IT, p. 5 ~

It has been said, “Anger is a luxury I cannot afford.” Does this suggest I ignore this human emotion? I believe not. Before I learned of the A.A. program, I was a slave to the behavior patterns of alcoholism. I was chained to negativity, with no hope of cutting loose.
The Steps offered me an alternative. Step Four was the beginning of the end of my bondage. The process of “letting go” started with an inventory. I needed not be frightened, for the previous Steps assured me I was not alone. My Higher Power led me to this door and gave me the gift of choice. Today I can choose to open the door to freedom and rejoice in the sunlight of the Steps, as they cleanse the spirit within me.

Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services Inc

DAILY REFLECTIONS - April 14 2026

THE “NUMBER ONE OFFENDER”
Resentment is the “number one” offender. It destroys more alcoholics than anything else. From it stem all forms of spiritual disease, for we have been not only mentally and physically ill, we have been spiritually sick.

~ ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 64 ~
As I look at myself practicing the Fourth Step, it is easy to gloss over the wrong that I have done, because I can easily see it as a question of “getting even” for a wrong done to me. If I continue to relive my old hurt, it is a resentment and resentment bars the sunlight from my soul. If I continue o relive hurts and hates, I will hurt and hate myself. After years in the dark of resentments, I have found the sunlight. I must let go of resentments; I cannot afford them.

Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services Inc

EASY DOES IT - April 14 2026

FEAR

F.E.A.R. = Frustration, Ego, Anxiety, and Resentment.

~ Anonymous ~

We don’t want to return to the life we led before recovery, but fear should never be the reason why we don’t. Fear keeps us from being open to the Program. If we’re only in the Program because we’re afraid of the old way of life, we’ll never pay attention and open our souls to learn about the new. We’ll be too busy looking back over our shoulders to make sure the old life isn’t creeping up on us.

We have to want the Program out of a desire for a new life, not out of a fear of the old. Positive thinking and behavior will be in charge if we are to make any character growth. Every fear encourages negative thinking that can destroy us. Guilt and shame come from the past, just like fear. If those feelings are what drive us, we will never grow.

I will make it a practice to take note of my fears. I will take an inventory of each fear until I understand what caused it. Then I will be able to find a way to work through them.

©1990 by Anonymous. All rights reserved. Published by Hazelden.

Walk in Dry Places - April 5 2026

Letting Go of Resentment
Releasing the Past

How can we really put an end to festering resentments toward other people? “Pray for these people,” the Old-timers said. “Go out of your way to do something good for them.” This is a big order for most of us, but we are working for a big reward: Sobriety, peace of mind, and personal progress.

When we pray for others in this manner, we’re practicing the noble art of forgiveness. How do we know when it’s staring to work? Lewis B. Smedes, a master teacher of forgiveness, offers this thought: “You will know that forgiveness has begun when you recall those who hurt you and feel the power to wish them well.”

Forgiveness also is supposed to include forgetting the wrong. What we really forget is the hurt connected with it. When anything that once evoked pain comes to mind, we’re growing spiritually if it no longer has the power to hurt us.

We then discover that we had been letting go our resentments hurt us again and again. We also learn that one effort to forgive is not nearly enough. Forgiveness takes the same amount of practice and emotional power we put into carrying the resentment!

Today will bring enough problems. I don’t have either the time or the energy to play the old tapes that cause me pain. I’ll practice praying for those who hurt me, and I’ll take it for granted that my HIgher Power is removing my resentments. 

Keep It Simple - April 4 2026

Pray without resentment in your heart.
The Little Red Book

Resentment is anger that we don’t want to turn over to our Higher Power.

Sometimes we want to keep our anger. Maybe we want to “get even.” it’s hard to be spiritual and full of anger at the same time. When we hold on to anger, it turns into self-will. We get angry from time to time. This is normal. But we now have a program to help us let go of anger. We also know that stored-up anger can drive us back to alcohol and other drugs. Instead of trying to “get even,” let’s work at keeping anger out of our hearts.

Prayer for the Day: I pray without anger in my heart. Higher Power, I give You my anger. Have me work for justice, instead of acting like a judge.

Action For the Day: I’ll list any resentments I now have. I’ll talk about them at my next meeting. This is the best way to turn resentments over to my Higher Power. 

One Day At A Time - 8th Jan 2026

RESENTMENT

“You will not be punished for your anger, you will be punished by your anger. Anger will never disappear so long as thoughts of resentment are cherished in the mind.”

Buddha
It was not until I came into the program that I learned that resentment is just another name for anger. There are some areas in which letting go of resentment is not so easy, especially when dealing with hurtful words. Word wounds have a tendency to fester. The program shows me how to approach someone and make amends to them for saying something hurtful. That can be extremely healing. Unfortunately, there is no step in the program which makes provisions for others to make amends to me when my feelings are hurt.

I have learned something that has helped: telling others how I feel when my feelings are hurt. Instead of internalizing my feelings, I am beginning to speak up and ask, “Why did you say that? I felt hurt when you said that.”

Doing this releases the negativity and turns it into a positive action for me. Rather than just reacting to a bad situation, I am taking positive action. When I begin to take positive action, I find myself surrounded with positive influences and I am letting go of those friendships which are unhealthy.

One day at a time…

I will take positive action and surround myself with positive influences

.~ Marilyn S.