Today, I will not take disproportionate pride in any job or thing well done to the extent that I unconsciously elevate myself above others, nor will I embellish any mistake to the degree that my self-confidence is so devastated that I con myself into believing I can do nothing right. Either way, the source of excess pride and a shattered self-image is an ego that is not centered but is too far to the left or right. In the end, egoism is the character defect that, had I been thorough and honest in my Fourth, remains with me. And I ask my Higher Power to strike the proper balance. May I understand that a job well done is no license to toot my own horn and that deep disappointment with myself for making a mistake blinds me to a basic edict of the Program – progress over perfection. Today, I will give up perfection as a goal and leave it to the Power that is truly perfect. And our common journey continues.
Step by step. – Chris M., 2014
Domination and Demand, p. 176The primary fact that we fail to recognize is our total inability to form a true partnership with another human being. Our egomania digs two disastrous pitfalls. Either we insist upon dominating people we know, or we depend upon them far too much.If we lean too heavily on people, they will sooner or later fail us, for they are human, too, and cannot possibly meet our incessant demands. In this way our insecurity grows and festers.When we habitually try to manipulate others to our own willful desires, they revolt, and resist us heavily. Then we develop hurt feelings, a sense of persecution, and a desire to retaliate.My dependency meant demand — a demand for the possession and control of other people and the conditions surrounding me.
1. 12 & 12, p. 53
2. Grapevine, January 1958
A RESTING PLACEAll of A.A.’s Twelve Steps ask us to go contrary to our naturaldesires . . . they all deflate our egos. When it comes to egodeflation, few Steps are harder to take than Five. But scarcelyany Step is more necessary to longtime sobriety and peace ofmind than this one.
TWELVE STEPS AND TWELVE TRADITIONS, p. 55After writing down my character defects, I was unwilling totalk about them, and decided it was time to stop carrying thisburden alone. I needed to confess those defects to someone else.I had read – and been told – I could not stay sober unless Idid. Step Five provided me with a feeling of belonging, withhumility and serenity when I practiced it in my daily living.It was important to admit my defects of character in the orderpresented in Step Five: “to God, to ourselves and to anotherhuman being.” Admitting to God first paved the way for admissionto myself and to another person . As the taking of the Step isdescribed, a feeling of being at one with God and my fellow manbrought me to a resting place where I could prepare myself forthe remaining Steps toward a full and meaningful sobriety.
FEAR
F.E.A.R. = Frustration, Ego, Anxiety, and Resentment.~ Anonymous ~We don’t want to return to the life we led before recovery, but fear should never be the reason why we don’t. Fear keeps us from being open to the Program. If we’re only in the Program because we’re afraid of the old way of life, we’ll never pay attention and open our souls to learn about the new. We’ll be too busy looking back over our shoulders to make sure the old life isn’t creeping up on us.We have to want the Program out of a desire for a new life, not out of a fear of the old. Positive thinking and behavior will be in charge if we are to make any character growth. Every fear encourages negative thinking that can destroy us. Guilt and shame come from the past, just like fear. If those feelings are what drive us, we will never grow.I will make it a practice to take note of my fears. I will take an inventory of each fear until I understand what caused it. Then I will be able to find a way to work through them.
©1990 by Anonymous. All rights reserved. Published by Hazelden.
The Big Picture“All spiritual awakenings have some things in common. Common elements include an end to loneliness and a sense of direction in our lives.”Basic Text p. 48Some kinds of spiritual experiences take place when we confront something larger than we are. We suspect that forces beyond our understanding are operating. We see a fleeting glimpse of the big picture and find humility in that moment.Our journey through the Twelve Steps will bring about a spiritual experience of the same nature, only more profound and lasting. We undergo a continual process of ego-deflation
while at the same time we become more conscious of the larger perspective. Our view of the world expands to the point where we no longer possess an exaggerated sense of our own importance.Through our new awareness, we no longer feel isolated from the rest of the human race. We may not understand why the world is the way it is or why people sometimes treat one another so savagely. But we do understand suffering and, in recovery, we can do our best to alleviate it. When our individual contribution is combined with others, we become an essential part of a grand design. We are connected at last.Just for today: I am but one person in the entire scheme of things. I humbly accept my place in the big picture.© 1991 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services Inc
EGO
E.G.O. = Edge God Out
Ego can be one tough customer. It generally fights this business of recovery and a Higher Power tooth and nail. It can cry like a baby and tell us how much care it needs. It can scream like a pouting teenager demanding that we leave it alone. It can romance us like a long-lost lover seducing us into sleep.
The ego can take on many disguises to get its own way. It wants no competition for affection. When we were caught up in our disease, the ego and the drugs and alcohol met up and made an unholy alliance against us. The disease told the ego what it wanted to hear, and the ego fed the disease its poison.
My ego must be cut down to size. This will help stop my disease from doing further damage to my life. My ego will never provide serenity, only endless demand. Only my Higher Power, the Program, and my friends can end this war within me.
©1990 by Anonymous. All rights reserved. Published by Hazelden®.
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~ Page 83 ~
We Cannot Live Alone
All of A.A.’s Twelve Steps ask us to go contrary to our natural desires; they all deflate our egos. When it comes to ego deflation, few Steps are harder to take than the Fifth. Scarcely any Step is more necessary to long time sobriety and peace of mind.
A.A. experience has taught us we cannot live alone with our pressing problems and the character defects which cause or aggravate them. If Step Four has revealed in stark relief those experiences we’d rather not remember, then the need to quit living by ourselves with those tormenting ghosts of yesterday gets more urgent than ever. We have to talk to somebody about them.
<< << << >> >> >>
We cannot wholly rely on friends to solve all our difficulties. A good adviser will never do all our thinking for us. He knows that each final choice must be ours. He will therefore help to eliminate fear, expediency, and self-deception, so enabling us to make choices which are loving, wise, and honest.
~ 1. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 55 ~
~ 2. GRAPEVINE, AUGUST 1961 ~
© 1967 by Alcoholics Anonymous ® World Services, Inc
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~ Page 74 ~
Breach the Walls of Ego
People who are driven by pride of self unconsciously blind themselves to their liabilities. Newcomers of this sort scarcely need comforting. The problem is to help them discover a chink in the walls their ego has built, through which the light of reason can shine.
<< << << >> >> >>
The attainment of greater humility is the foundation principle of each of A.A.’s Twelve Steps. For without some degree of humility, no alcoholic can stay sober at all.
Nearly all A.A.’s have found, too, that unless they develop much more of this precious quality than may be required just for sobriety, they still haven’t much chance of becoming truly happy. Without it, they cannot live to much useful purpose, or, in adversity, be able to summon the faith that can meet any emergency.
~ TWELVE AND TWELVE ~
1. P. 46
2. P. 70
© 1967 by Alcoholics Anonymous ® World Services, Inc
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RESCUED BY SURRENDERINGCharacteristic of the so-called typical alcoholic is a narcissistic egocentric core, dominated by feelings of omnipotence, intent on maintaining at all costs its inner integrity. . . . Inwardly the alcoholic brooks no control from man or God He, the alcoholic, is and must be the master of his destiny. He will fight to the end to preserve that position.~ A.A. COMES OF AGE, p. 311 ~The great mystery is: “Why do some of us die alcoholic deaths, fighting to preserve the ‘independence’ of our ego, while others seem to sober up effortlessly in A.A.?” Help from a Higher Power, the gift of sobriety, came to me when an otherwise unexplained desire to stop drinking coincided with my willingness to accept the suggestions of the men and women of A.A. I had to surrender, for only by reaching out to God and my fellows could I be rescued.Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services Inc
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GREATNESS
“The ability to accept responsibility is the measure of the man.”
–Roy L. Smith
I believe the greatest insight into my life is that I am responsible; my responsibility is an important and dignified gift from God. My responsibility reveals my involvement in God’s creation, in my life and my recovery from alcoholism. Greatness is in the choices I make, and the choices come with God’s gift of freedom. Human beings are more than puppets on a string or automated machines. We are creative creatures who carry the burden and joy of responsibility.
Along with the acceptance of my alcoholism I also accepted the responsibility to remain sober in my decisions and lifestyle: such is greatness.
Thank You for giving me the responsibility to co-create with You.
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Reflection For The Day
All of The Program’s Twelve Steps ask us to go contrary to our natural inclinations and desires: they puncture, squeeze, and finally deflate our egos. When it comes to ego deflation, few Steps are harder to take then the Fifth, which suggest that we “admit to God, To Ourselves, and to another human being the exact nature of our wrongs.” Few steps are harder to take, yes, but scarcely any Step is more necessary to long-term freedom from addiction and peace of mind. Have I quit living by myself with the tormenting ghoset of yesterday?
Today I Pray
May God give me strength to face that great ego-pincher — Step Five. May I not hesitate to call a trusted hearer of Fifth Steps, set up a meeting and share it. By accepting responsibility for my behavior, God and one other. I am actually unburdening myself.
Today I Will Remember
My Fifth Step pain is also my liberation.
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EGO
E.G.O. = Edge God OutEgo can be one tough customer. It generally fights this business of recovery and a Higher Power tooth and nail. It can cry like a baby and tell us how much care it needs. It can scream like a pouting teenager demanding that we leave it alone. It can romance us like a long-lost lover seducing us into sleep.The ego can take on many disguises to get its own way. It wants no competition for affection. When we were caught up in our disease, the ego and the drugs and alcohol met up and made an unholy alliance against us. The disease told the ego what it wanted to hear, and the ego fed the disease its poison.My ego must be cut down to size. This will help stop my disease from doing further damage to my life. My ego will never provide serenity, only endless demand. Only my Higher Power, the Program, and my friends can end this war within me.©1990 by Anonymous. All rights reserved. Published by Hazelden®
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~ Page 83 ~
We Cannot Live AloneAll of A.A.’s Twelve Steps ask us to go contrary to our natural desires; they all deflate our egos. When it comes to ego deflation, few Steps are harder to take than the Fifth. Scarcely any Step is more necessary to long time sobriety and peace of mind.A.A. experience has taught us we cannot live alone with our pressing problems and the character defects which cause or aggravate them. If Step Four has revealed in stark relief those experiences we’d rather not remember, then the need to quit living by ourselves with those tormenting ghosts of yesterday gets more urgent than ever. We have to talk to somebody about them.<< << << >> >> >>We cannot wholly rely on friends to solve all our difficulties. A good adviser will never do all our thinking for us. He knows that each final choice must be ours. He will therefore help to eliminate fear, expediency, and self-deception, so enabling us to make choices which are loving, wise, and honest.~ 1. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 55 ~
~ 2. GRAPEVINE, AUGUST 1961 ~
© 1967 by Alcoholics Anonymous ® World Services, Inc
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Page 74 ~
Breach the Walls of EgoPeople who are driven by pride of self unconsciously blind themselves to their liabilities. Newcomers of this sort scarcely need comforting. The problem is to help them discover a chink in the walls their ego has built, through which the light of reason can shine.<< << << >> >> >>The attainment of greater humility is the foundation principle of each of A.A.’s Twelve Steps. For without some degree of humility, no alcoholic can stay sober at all.Nearly all A.A.’s have found, too, that unless they develop much more of this precious quality than may be required just for sobriety, they still haven’t much chance of becoming truly happy. Without it, they cannot live to much useful purpose, or, in adversity, be able to summon the faith that can meet any emergency.
~ TWELVE AND TWELVE
1. P. 46
2. P. 70
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Reflection for the DaySince I came to the Program, I’ve begun to recognize my previous inability to form a true partnership with another person. It seems that my egomania created two disasterous pitfalls. Either I insisted upon dominating the people I knew, or I depended on them far too much. My friends in the Program have taught me that my dependence meant demand—a demand for the possession and control of the people and the conditions surrounding me. Do I still try to find emotional security either by dominating or being dependent on others?Today I PrayMay I turn first to God to satisfy my love- hunger, knowing that all He asks from me is my faith in Him. May I no longer cast emotional nets over those I love, either by dominating them or being excessively dependent upon them—which is just another form of domination. May I give others the room they need to be themselves. May God show me the way to mature human relationships.
Today I Will RememberTo have faith in God’s love.© 1989 by Hazelden Foundation
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Breach The Walls Of Ego, p. 74
People who are driven by pride of self unconsciously blind themselves
to their liabilities. Newcomers of this sort scarcely need comforting.
The problem is to help them discover a chink in the walls their ego
has built, through which the light of reason can shine.
*******************************************
The attainment of greater humility is the foundation principle of each
A.A.'s Twelve Steps. For without some degree of humility, no
alcoholic can stay sober at all.
Nearly all A.A.'s have found, too, that unless they develop much more
of this precious quality than may be required just for sobriety, they
still haven't much chance of becoming truly happy. Without it, they
cannot live to much useful purpose, or, in adversity, be able to
summon the faith that can meet any emergency.
12 & 12
1. p. 46
2. p. 70
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