Helping Others
Most of us recovering alcoholics admit that we were selfish people when we drank. Even when we bought drinks for others, we did so either to seek their approval or in the expectancy that they would return the favor.
Our need in sobriety is to become unselfish by giving freely and cheerfully of ourselves. This, too, has it pitfalls. Feeling guilty about past selfishness, we may go overboard in helping others do things that they need to do for themselves. This can only lead to failure and disillusionment. It is common to hear AA members complain about people who are not in recovery despite help extended to them in finding a job, a place to live, and other necessities.
But in giving, it is not always right to look for a quid pro quo—something in return—or even for the other person’s recovery and well-being. It’s best to let the giving itself be its own reward. If we feel good about what we have done, we probably are doing the right things. Later on, when additional and unexpected rewards come to us, we can accept them as bonuses.
I can make progress in overcoming selfishness and self-centeredness if I give selflessly to others and take an honest interest in their problems.
© 1996 by Hazelden Foundation
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