A.A. Grapevine #essentialsofrecovery.com #Recovery #AA #Grapevive

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December

Who's Saving The Seat For The Newcomer?
-- AA Grapevine August 2006

Comfort in a greeting and relief in an invitation
I feel nervous walking into this meeting. I have never been here before, and I feel like I might not fit in. The notion that I'm disconnected from the entire world has raced back into my sober self, and it makes me want to turn around and leave. I try to talk myself out of this by musing, "Maybe I don't need a meeting tonight." Then I curse myself for being a coward and know I will surely drink and die if I don't stay. I force myself to walk through the darkened parking lot, toward the smokers standing around laughing outside the church doors. Inside, the light vaguely warms their faces, but I recognize none of them. Oh God, I wish my best friend were here with me.

I take a deep breath and walk through the gauntlet of happy friends chattering around me. Nibbling on brownies and drinking bad coffee, I look toward the cushioned chairs set in rows facing the speaker. Having compromised hearing, I search out a seat close to the speaker. But as I get closer, I see keys, chips, lighters, and books saving seats. I see a row of empty seats and sit down, still close enough to see the speaker's lips.

I'm tapped on the shoulder by a smiling woman my age. "Excuse me," she says. "These seats are saved." Yes, of course they are. Saved for all the friends who want to sit together--rows and rows of them. Saved for the regulars who come each week and stick together. How wonderful for them to have close relationships in AA. I'm reminded of how I felt in high school, when I didn't know which group to sit next to because no one invited me to join them. I feel excluded, physically and emotionally.

I do stay through the meeting, and I'm glad. I've heard a wonderful chairperson, who I feel God picked out just for me. I feel close to my Higher Power and rejuvenated once again. Thank God for Alcoholics Anonymous.

I have seventeen years of sobriety, and this is an experience I've encountered recently and frequently since I've moved to a new area. It's an experience that I can share with newcomers because I know how disconnected they feel. So I re-double my efforts to speak to the new woman and give her my phone number. I offer her a seat next to me. "I saved this seat for you," I say in my heart.

Can you imagine what would happen if God picked out who we sat with? While I enjoy sitting next to a friend or two, I don't think we have to inhabit an entire zip code every time we're together. After all, aren't we having meetings to reach out to people we don't know, especially the newcomer who may feel excluded and different?

Sharon C.
Santa Rosa, California