GROWING UP
The essence of all growth is a willingness to change for the better and then an unremitting willingness to shoulder whatever responsibility this entails.
~ AS BILL SEES IT, p. 115 ~
Sometimes when I’ve become willing to do what I should have been doing all along, I want praise and recognition. I don’t realize that the more I’m willing to act differently, the more exciting my life is. The more I am willing to help others, the more rewards I receive. That’s what practicing the principles means to me. Fun and benefits for me are in the willingness to do the actions, not to get immediate results. Being a little kinder, a little slower to anger, a little more loving makes my life better— day by day.
Copyright © 1990 by Alcoholics Anonymous World Services Inc
PRACTICE MAKES PATIENCE
Acquiring Maturity
Extreme impatience is part of most alcoholic stories: “I want what I want when I want it.” When it continues in sobriety, impatience leads to mistakes and accidents. How can we bring impatience under control without losing all drive and initiative?
One route may be to acquire patience through practice. We can devote some time each day to a task that must be done, even if it is tedious and boring. We can make a real effort to be more patient with somebody who is slow or difficult. We can face the fear and anxiety that sometimes make us overwork or turn us into people-pleasers.
These exercises won’t eliminate impatience overnight. But they’ll produce the satisfaction of knowing that we’re getting control of our lives. They will also make us more effective in our dealings with others.
Reminding ourselves that all outcomes are in God’s hands can help us acquire patience. Willful pushing does not bring the serenity and well-being we really seek. We labor in vain if we are seeking goals that are not in line with God’s will for us.
I’ll do my work today with the knowledge that God really is in charge of my life—I do not have to let anything or anyone rob me of my serenity and self-control. I will practice patience in situations where it is needed.
© 1996 by Hazelden Foundation
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To gain maturity I need to become acquainted with all aspects of myself.~ Maureen Brady Learning about ourselves is often likened to peeling an onion. We’ve grown layer on top of layer, sometimes for the purpose of protecting ourselves. None of us came from the perfect home. We’ve learned there is no such thing. We’ve all experienced injuries, some physical, some emotional, and we’ve figured out how to handle these hurts and go on with our lives. To be really healthy, however, we have to unlearn many of the cures that seemed effective in the past.Delving into our psyches to discover who we really are can be intimidating. Fortunately we have the Fourth Step to guide our efforts. Let’s not lament who we became in our struggle to grow up. Instead, let’s accept that we did the best we could. And with the help of this program, we can become who we want to be.I write my script today. Who I choose to be is in my power. My past performance doesn’t determine my present personality.© 1994 by Hazelden Foundation
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Sensing Rejection
Self-Esteem and Maturity
We laugh when a recovering person tells how he “learned to quit just before he got fired.” We sometimes can tell when a rejection is coming, and we take steps…. such as quitting.. To avoid further pain and humiliation.
In the recovery process, there still may be times when we sense a coming rejection. If it does come, we must remember that rejections is part of living. People receive rejection for all sorts of reasons, including wrong ones.
When we do sense any kid of a rejection in the works, our best course is to let it happen, accept it, and put it behind us. If we are living our program, we don’t need to feel pain or humiliation, as rejection is simply part of normal human experience.
I’ll try today to be as accepting as possible in everything I do. If others choose to reject me, I will also accept this without resentment or self-reproach.
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Sensing Rejection
Self-Esteem and Maturity
We laugh when a recovering person tells how he “learned to quit just before he got fired.” We sometimes can tell when a rejection is coming, and we take steps…. such as quitting.. To avoid further pain and humiliation.
In the recovery process, there still may be times when we sense a coming rejection. If it does come, we must remember that rejections is part of living. People receive rejection for all sorts of reasons, including wrong ones.
When we do sense any kid of a rejection in the works, our best course is to let it happen, accept it, and put it behind us. If we are living our program, we don’t need to feel pain or humiliation, as rejection is simply part of normal human experience.
I’ll try today to be as accepting as possible in everything I do. If others choose to reject me, I will also accept this without resentment or self-reproach.
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PRACTICE MAKES PATIENCE
Acquiring MaturityExtreme impatience is part of most alcoholic stories: “I want what I want when I want it.” When it continues in sobriety, impatience leads to mistakes and accidents. How can we bring impatience under control without losing all drive and initiative?One route may be to acquire patience through practice. We can devote some time each day to a task that must be done, even if it is tedious and boring. We can make a real effort to be more patient with somebody who is slow or difficult. We can face the fear and anxiety that sometimes make us overwork or turn us into people-pleasers.These exercises won’t eliminate impatience overnight. But they’ll produce the satisfaction of knowing that we’re getting control of our lives. They will also make us more effective in our dealings with others.Reminding ourselves that all outcomes are in God’s hands can help us acquire patience. Willful pushing does not bring the serenity and well-being we really seek. We labor in vain if we are seeking goals that are not in line with God’s will for us.I’ll do my work today with the knowledge that God really is in charge of my life—I do not have to let anything or anyone rob me of my serenity and self-control. I will practice patience in situations where it is needed.
© 1996 by Hazelden Foundation
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To gain maturity I need to become acquainted with all aspects of myself.
~ Maureen Brady ~
Learning about ourselves is often likened to peeling an onion. We’ve grown layer on top of layer, sometimes for the purpose of protecting ourselves. None of us came from the perfect home. We’ve learned there is no such thing. We’ve all experienced injuries, some physical, some emotional, and we’ve figured out how to handle these hurts and go on with our lives. To be really healthy, however, we have to unlearn many of the cures that seemed effective in the past.
Delving into our psyches to discover who we really are can be intimidating. Fortunately we have the Fourth Step to guide our efforts. Let’s not lament who we became in our struggle to grow up. Instead, let’s accept that we did the best we could. And with the help of this program, we can become who we want to be.
I write my script today. Who I choose to be is in my power. My past performance doesn’t determine my present personality.
© 1994 by Hazelden Foundation
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Or Follow Us On Twitter #essentialsofrecovery
Sensing Rejection
Self-Esteem and MaturityWe laugh when a recovering person tells how he “learned to quit just before he got fired.” We sometimes can tell when a rejection is coming, and we take steps…. such as quitting.. To avoid further pain and humiliation.In the recovery process, there still may be times when we sense a coming rejection. If it does come, we must remember that rejections is part of living. People receive rejection for all sorts of reasons, including wrong ones.When we do sense any kid of a rejection in the works, our best course is to let it happen, accept it, and put it behind us. If we are living our program, we don’t need to feel pain or humiliation, as rejection is simply part of normal human experience.I’ll try today to be as accepting as possible in everything I do. If others choose to reject me, I will also accept this without resentment or self-reproach.
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You’re never too old to grow up.
~ Shirley Conran ~
Some of us have spent many years trying not to grow up. As children, we watched the adults around us. They may not have seemed happy. “Is life all hard work for grown-ups?” we wondered.
No, it’s not all hard work. There are lots of good things about growing up. We can take charge of our life. We can learn to take care of ourselves. We can learn to share our feelings with good friends. We can make our world safe enough for us to express feelings again. We can learn how to love others. We do have choices.
Prayer for the Day
Higher Power, help me grow up into a happy, grateful adult.
Action for the Day
There are happy grown-ups. I’ll find one to be my sponsor.
© 1989 by Hazelden Foundation
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Maturity means principles
Right Action
A principle is sometimes defined as a fundamental guide to action. The more mature we become, the more likely it is that we’ll work from principles rather than blind feelings.
The principles outlined in the Twelve Steps are good guide for mature living. They call for honesty in motive, fair and considerate treatment of others, and reliance on our Higher Power throughout each day.
As we continue on such a path, we will outgrow the childish selfishness and reactions that were so destructive in our old lives. We will be viewed by others as mature, responsible, reliable people.
We also grow into maturity by acting according to sound principles even when we don’t always feel like it. Whatever our feelings might be at any given moment, we can choose actions that are sound and constructive.
Whatever my feelings might be from moment to moment, I”ll act according to the best principles today. I know this is a part of growing up.
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The same situation… over and over
Growth in Maturity.
Our drinking experience should have taught us that we’ll continue to repeat old destructive behaviors until we change our attitudes.
In sobriety, we can take this idea a step further and apply it to other areas. If we have trouble with other people, for example, we should ask what we’re doing to bring about unpleasant situations.
This is not to say that we’re responsible for everything that goes wrong, but we are getting a message ourselves if we continuously meet the same problem in different forms. Some people, for example, repeatedly become involved in bad relationships or find themselves working for abusive bosses.
Just as a changed attitude helped us recover from our drinking problem, so can a new attitude keep us from repeating other destructive situations.
I’ll be on the lookout today for any indications of a tendency to “attract” trouble. It’s true that I can have bad luck, but I don’t need to bring it on myself.
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Toward Maturity, p.244
Many oldsters who have put our A.A. “booze cure” to severe but successful tests still find they often lack emotional sobriety. To attain this, we must develop real maturity and balance (which is to say, humility) in our relations with ourselves, with our fellows, and with God.
^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^^
Let A.A. never be a closed corporation; let us never deny our experience, for whatever it may be worth, to the world around us. Let our individual members heed the call to every field of human endeavor. Let them carry the experience and spirit of A.A. into all these affairs, for whatever good they may accomplish. For not only has God saved us from alcoholism; the world has received us back into its citizenship.
1. Grapevine, January 1958
2. A.A. Comes Of Age, pp. 232-233
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Sensing Rejection
Self-Esteem and Maturity
We laugh when a recovering person tells how he “learned to quit just before he got fired.” We sometimes can tell when a rejection is coming, and we take steps…. such as quitting.. To avoid further pain and humiliation.
In the recovery process, there still may be times when we sense a coming rejection. If it does come, we must remember that rejections is part of living. People receive rejection for all sorts of reasons, including wrong ones.
When we do sense any kid of a rejection in the works, our best course is to let it happen, accept it, and put it behind us. If we are living our program, we don’t need to feel pain or humiliation, as rejection is simply part of normal human experience.
I’ll try today to be as accepting as possible in everything I do. If others choose to reject me, I will also accept this without resentment or self-reproach.
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Or Follow Us On Twitter #essentialsofrecovery
Accepting and correcting mistakes.
Mature living.
Being in error now and then is part of our human existence. Many of us, however, feel unbearable self-reproach when we make a mistake. Some compulsive people even blame themselves for errors beyond their control.
But the worst mistake is the refusal, or denial, of responsibility for mistakes. This comes from a strange belief that we can erase the mistake by refusing to accept it. It may stem from the belief that we should be above mistakes. This is immature thinking.
We are learning and growing when we accept our mistakes graciously and immediately move to correct them. Most of the time, when this is done, the distress passes quickly and we can go on to other matters.
I’ll take full responsibility for all of my actions today, and I’ll move quickly to correct any of my mistakes.
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Many members of AA refer to their entrance into our fellowship as a passing from adolescence to maturity. When we take this step, we should cease thinking as children and begin to think as adults.
Remember how you wanted what you wanted when you wanted it and cried like hell when you didn’t get it? The advice of wiser and saner folks fell on deaf ears and we persisted in having our way even though our way was killing us.
A child thinks with its appetites while a mature person thinks with his head. We all know what class we belonged in.
Drunkenness is unthinkable for a thinking person.
Copyright Hazelden Foundation
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Growing up
“Our spiritual condition is the basis for a successful recovery that offers unlimited growth”
~ Basic Text p. 43
When our members celebrate their recovery anniversaries, they often say that they’ve “grown up” in NA. Well, then, we think, what does that mean? We start to wonder if we’re grown-ups yet. We check our lives and yes, all the trappings of adulthood are there: the checkbook, the children, the job, the responsibilities. On the inside, though, we often feel like children. We’re still confused by life much of the time. We don’t always know how to act. We sometimes wonder whether we’re really grown-ups at all, or whether we’re children who’ve somehow been put into adult bodies and given adult responsibilities.
Growth is not best measured by physical age or levels of responsibility. Our best measure of growth is our spiritual condition, the basis of our recovery. If we’re still depending on people, places, and things to provide our inner satisfaction, like a child depending on its parents for everything, we do indeed have some growing to do. But if we stand secure on the foundation of our spiritual condition, considering its maintenance our most important responsibility, we can claim maturity. Upon that foundation, our opportunities for growth are limitless.
Just for Today: The measure of my maturity is the extent to which I take responsibility for the maintenance of my spiritual condition. Today, this will be my highest priority.
© 1991 by Narcotics Anonymous World Services Inc
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~ Page 330 ~
To Grow Up
Those adolescent urges that so many of us have for complete approval, utter security, and perfect romance — urges quite appropriate to age seventeen — prove to be an impossible way of life at forty-seven or fifty-seven.
Since A.A. began, I’ve taken huge wallops in all these areas because of my failure to grow up, emotionally and spiritually.
<< << << >> >> >>
As we grow spiritually, we find that our old attitudes toward our instinctual drives need to undergo drastic revisions. Our demands for emotional security and wealth, for personal prestige and power all have to be tempered and redirected.
We learn that the full satisfaction of these demands cannot be the sole end and aim of our lives. We cannot place the cart before the horse, or we shall be pulled backward into disillusionment. But when we are willing to place spiritual growth first — then and only then do we have a real chance to grow in healthy awareness and mature love.
~ 1. GRAPEVINE, JANUARY 1958 ~
~ 2. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 114 ~
© 1967 by Alcoholics Anonymous ® World Services, Inc
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MATURITY MEANS PRINCIPLES
Right Action
A principle is sometimes defined as a fundamental guide to action. The more mature we become, the more likely it is that well work from principles rather than blind feelings.
The principles outlined in the Twelve Steps are good guides for mature living. They call for honesty in motive, fair and considerate treatment of others, and reliance on our Higher Power throughout each day.
As we continue on such a path, we will outgrow the childish selfishness and reactions that were so destructive in our old lives. We will be viewed by others as mature, responsible, reliable people.
We also grow into maturity by acting according to sound principles even when we don’t always feel like it. Whatever our feelings might be at any given moment, we can choose actions that are sound and constructive.
Whatever my feelings might be from moment to moment, I’ll act according to the best principles today. I know this is a part of growing up.
© 1996 by Hazelden Foundation
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REBELS
Some people never grow up — they just grow old.
~ Anonymous
As a group, most of us were rebellious and defiant. We lived for excitement, kicks, and highs. We liked living “on the edge.” We were outlaws from society. The fast lane wasn’t fast enough. We weren’t satisfied with getting high or too high; we wanted to be way too nigh. “Live fast, die young,” was our motto.
For many of us, “acting out” got us in trouble with authority. We didn’t like authority figures, or anyone who tried to influence our behavior. In recovery, we have learned that our rebellious attitude and behavior was just a sign of immaturity. We became aware that our defiance and grandiosity had no place in recovery. Now we cooperate with life. We aren’t banging our heads against walls anymore.
I have come to see my rebellion as having no place in my recovery. I don’t want to be an outlaw anymore.
©1990 by Anonymous, Published by Hazelden
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~ Page 330
To Grow Up
Those adolescent urges that so many of us have for complete approval, utter security, and perfect romance — urges quite appropriate to age seventeen — prove to be an impossible way of life at forty-seven or fifty-seven.
Since A.A. began, I’ve taken huge wallops in all these areas because of my failure to grow up, emotionally and spiritually.
<< << << >> >> >>
As we grow spiritually, we find that our old attitudes toward our instinctual drives need to undergo drastic revisions. Our demands for emotional security and wealth, for personal prestige and power all have to be tempered and redirected.
We learn that the full satisfaction of these demands cannot be the sole end and aim of our lives. We cannot place the cart before the horse, or we shall be pulled backward into disillusionment. But when we are willing to place spiritual growth first — then and only then do we have a real chance to grow in healthy awareness and mature love.
~ 1. GRAPEVINE, JANUARY 1958
~ 2. TWELVE AND TWELVE, P. 114
© 1967 by Alcoholics Anonymous ® World Services, Inc
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