One Day At A Time- 4th August 2025

OTHERS


“In the deepest part of a compulsive eater’s soul …
is the realization that recovery begins when we find one another.”

-Anonymous

Growing up in the deep South in the 1950′s, I witnessed things I never dreamed could happen. It taught me lessons I have never forgotten. Little did I think that someone like me could ever be discriminated against. After all, I was the right color, the right size, the right religion and lived on the right side of town.

Messages began to be taped early on in that little girl’s brain … into the psyche of that teenager who worked so hard to achieve … and into the young woman who had the world by the tail. In adulthood those messages began to play … and food made the messages easier to hear. So began the life of a compulsive eater. So began discrimination because of my weight.

Years later I would be grateful for my life as an overweight adult. I would look back and see that the God of my understanding was preparing me to see discrimination as a disease of the soul. But what happened to give me serenity and peace and contentment? I found another compulsive eater. And then I found another … and another. And recovery began.

One Day at a Time …

I will overwrite those taped messages; I will not regret the past; And I will cherish my fellows forever.    

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TWENTY-FOUR HOURS A DAY #essentialsofrecovery

A.A. Thought for the Day

We also strengthen our faith by working with other alcoholics and finding that we can do nothing ourselves to help them, except to tell them our own story of how we found the way out. If the other person is helped, it’s by the grace of God and not by what we do or say. Our own faith is strengthened when we see another alcoholic find sobriety by turning to God. And finally we strengthen our faith by having quiet times every morning. Do I ask God in this quiet time for the strength to stay sober this day?

Meditation for the Day

My five senses are my means of communication with the material world. They are the links between my physical life and the material manifestations around me. But I must sever all connections with the material world when I wish to hold communion with the Great Spirit of the universe. I have to hush my mind and bid all my senses be still, before I can become attuned to receive the music of the heavenly spheres.

Prayer for the Day

I pray that I may get my spirit in tune with the Spirit of the universe. I pray that through faith and communion with Him I may receive the strength I need.

© 1954, 1975, 1992 by Hazelden Foundation 

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EXAMPLE, NOT EXCEPTION

Helping Others

It’s always heady stuff when others congratulate us on our victory over alcohol. Fair-minded people will have considerable admiration for what appears to be a bootstrap effort to make a comeback from despair and defeat.

We can accept this praise with grace and modesty. At some point, however, we should emphasize that our recovery was an example of spiritual principles at work and that thousands have been able to follow in the same path. Sober AA members are not exceptions; they are examples of what the program can do in people’s lives.

It is important to emphasize that we are ordinary people. The marvelous thing about the program is that it works for ordinary people like ourselves. Many people in the fellowship have great talent and ability, but those gifts have nothing to do with staying sober. The gifted person gets sober the same way anybody does—by admitting powerlessness over alcohol and by accepting the program.

We are also helped most by people who can serve as examples in our lives. It is always inspiring to know that we can follow in their paths and find what has been given to them.

I want to provide a good example for others today. I will go through the day remembering that my sobriety is a gift that can be bestowed on anybody—it was not an exception just for me.

© 1996 by Hazelden Foundation 

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AS BILL SEES IT #essentialsofrecovery

~ Page 44 ~

Daily Acceptance

“Too much of my life has been spent in dwelling upon the faults of others. This is a most subtle and perverse form of self-satisfaction, which permits us to remain comfortably unaware of our own defects. Too often we are heard to say, `If it weren’t for him (or her), how happy I’d be!'”

<< << << >> >> >>

Our very first problem is to accept our present circumstances as they are, ourselves as we are, and the people about us as they are. This is to adopt a realistic humility without which no genuine advance can even begin. Again and again, we shall need to return to that unflattering point of departure. This is an exercise in acceptance that we can profitably practice every day of our lives.

Provided we strenuously avoid turning these realistic surveys of the factsof life into unrealistic alibis for apathy of defeatism, they can be sure foundation upon which increased emotional health and therefore spiritual progress can be built.

~ 1. LETTER, 1966 ~
~ 2. GRAPEVINE, MARCH 1962 ~

© 1967 by Alcoholics Anonymous ® World Services, Inc 

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RESPONSIBILITY FOR OUR ACTIONS

Maturity

The practice of scapegoating goes way back to biblical times. It’s easier to blame others for our problems than to take personal responsibility for facing and solving these problems.

In the AA program, however, there’s nothing that serves as a basis for blaming others. In every way, AA insists that alcoholics take personal responsibility—not only for finding and maintaining sobriety, but also for past wrongs and personal shortcomings. This is a difficult change for alcoholics who have believed that many of their problems were caused by others.

But being forced to take responsibility for our actions is a blessing in disguise. It fairly shouts the good news that we can take charge of our lives despite what others think and do. With God’s help, we can change ourselves into the people we ought to be. We are fortunate that life is arranged to give us this personal responsibility— where would we be if our recovery depended only on others?

We also learn that this responsibility is not limited to our drinking. We are responsible for everything we think and do, and we have the power to make improvements in our lives beginning today.

I will go through the day without blaming others for my problems. I will feel grateful today that I am responsible, that personal responsibility is part of my God-given free will.

© 1996 by Hazelden Foundation

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Praying For Others, p. 206

While praying sincerely, we still may fall into temptation. We form ideas as to what we think God’s will is for other people. We say to ourselves, “This one ought to be cured of his fatal malady” or “That one ought to be relieved of his emotional pain,” and we pray for these specific things.

Such prayers, of course, are fundamentally good acts, but often they are based upon a supposition that we know God’s will for the person for whom we pray. This means that side by side with an earnest prayer there can be a certain amount of presumption and conceit in us.

It is A.A.’s experience that partially in these cases we ought to pray that God’s will, whatever it is, be done for others as well as for ourselves.

12 & 12, p. 104 

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Daily Reflections #essentialsofrec

 HELPING OTHERS

“Our very lives, as ex-problem drinkers, depend upon our constant thought of others and how we may help meet their needs. 

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 20

Self-centeredness was my problem. All my life people had been doing things for me and I not only expected it, but I was ungrateful and resentful they didn’t do more. Why should I help others, when they were supposed to help me? If others had troubles, didn’t they deserve them? I was filled with self-pity, anger and resentment. Then I learned that by helping others, with no thought of return, I could overcome this obsession with selfishness, and if I understood humility, I would know peace and serenity. No longer do I need to drink. 

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Random Big Book Alcoholics Anonymous – Fourth Edition #essentialsofrec

Chapter 7 – WORKING WITH OTHERS 

If there be divorce or separation, there should be no undue haste for the couple to get together. The man should be sure of his recovery. The wife should fully understand his new way of life. If their old relationship is to be resumed it must be on a better basis, since the former did not work. This means a new attitude and spirit all around. Sometimes it is to the best interests of all concerned that a couple remain apart. Obviously, no rule can be laid down. Let the alcoholic continue his program day by day. When the time for living together has come, it will be apparent to both parties.

p. 99

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Chapter 7 – WORKING WITH OTHERS


He may be broke and homeless. If he is, you might try to help him about getting a job, or give him a little financial assistance. But you should not deprive your family or creditors of money they should have. Perhaps you will want to take the man into your home for a few days. But be sure you use discretion. Be certain he will be welcomed by your family, and that he is not trying to impose upon you for money, connections, or shelter. Permit that and you only harm him. You will be making it possible for him to be insincere. You may be aiding in his destruction rather than his recovery.

pp. 96-97

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A.A. Thought For The Day

The Twelfth Step of A.A., working with others, can be subdivided into five parts, five words beginning with the letter C; confidence, confession, conviction, conversion, and continuance. The first thing in trying to help other alcoholics is to get their confidence. We do this by telling them our own experiences with drinking, so that they see that we know what we’re talking about. If we share our experiences frankly, they will know that we are sincerely trying to help them. They will realize that they’re not alone and that others have had experiences as bad or worse than theirs. This gives them confidence that they can be helped. Do I care enough about other alcoholics to get their confidence?

Meditation For The Day

I fail not so much when tragedy happens as I did before the happening, by all the little things I might have done, but did not do. I must prepare for the future by doing the right thing at the right time now. If a thing should be done, I should deal with that thing today and get it righted with God before I allow myself to undertake any new duty. I should look upon myself as performing God’s errands and then coming back to Him to tell Him in quiet communion that the message has been delivered or the task done.

Prayer For The Day

I pray that I may seek no credit for the results of what I do. I pray that I may leave the outcome of my actions to God.

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HELPING OTHERS


If I can stop one heart from breaking, I shall not live in vain If I can ease one life the aching or cool one pain or help one fainting Robin unto his nest again I shall not live in vain

–Emily Dickinson

Somewhere along the way I found myself to be a caretaker. Injustices, pain, discrimination, bullying; all these things affected me deeply. I carried it too far. It reached a point where I truly believe I began taking better care of others than I did myself. Was this ego? Codependency? Altruism? Or was this a guiltless way I found to deflect my own problems, pain, injustices and needs?

When I was doing my first 4th Step inventory, I learned something very important. As my sponsor read over one “bad thing” I had done after another she cautioned me to take a broader look at myself. Finally, she made me do my entire inventory over and for every 5th character defect or offense to someone, I was required to write something good about myself. She explained that an inventory is never meant to be focused on just the bad … but the good also. After all, when a store takes inventory on its products, it counts bent cans of beans as well as the perfect cans of beans and crushed boxes of cereal as well as the perfect ones.

This helped me to see that my life’s purpose was not just to help others but also to nurture me when my heart was breaking, to make my own life good and to have a nest for myself that was safe and serene. After working the Steps, I know that I’m not living my life in vain and I still want to help others as much as I possibly can, but not to the detriment of myself … and certainly not to keep me from looking at my own life and my own problems realistically.

One day at a time…

May I help others who are less fortunate than I find their way. And let me also make my own nest as comfortable as it can be.

~ Mari

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Elder’s Meditation of the Day #essentialsofrec #prayer #Lakota

“You can pray for whatever you want, but it is always best to pray for others, not for yourself.”

–John Fire Lame Deer, LAKOTA
When you are selfish and you pray, you are requesting things to flow only to you. When you are selfless, you are praying for things to flow to others. The old ones say this is the highest form of prayer. Praying this way is according to the Natural Laws.

Great Spirit, today, let my thoughts be about others.

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THE SECRET OF DETACHMENT

Dealing with Others

“Detaching with love” is what those close to alcoholics do when they realize they can’t change them. The same principle should apply to any distressing situation, but how does it work? How can I detach from people who really bother me—especially fellow workers, or perhaps a boss or customer?

The secret of detachment is expressed in the biblical charge, “Resist not evil.” We don’t fight or resist the other person, or even try to change an-other’s behavior. We stop believing that the other person’s behavior can really control us in the future. We become impersonal about something that was once highly charged with resentment and bitterness. At no point, however, do we say that the others’ wrong behavior is all right, nor do we lie to ourselves about what the other is doing.

Detachment does not mean that the outcome will be recovery or change for the other person. That sometimes happens, and we’re grateful when it does. If we detach in the right way, however, the outcome will always be better than anything we could bring about by fighting the situation. We have to count an outcome favorable if we stay sober and under control in the midst of an insane situation.

I will detach myself from conflicts with others if they arise today. I am not going to fight anything or anybody, and I know this will bring me closer to the ideal of living at peace with everybody.
© 1996 by Hazelden Foundation

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A WOMAN’S SPIRIT #essentialsofrec #others #Recovery

Before I can become a significant other, I must become significant to myself.

~ Kelley Vickstrom ~

Why is it so hard to feel as if we matter? Putting other people’s wishes and needs before our own may seem natural. We may feel shame when we say no. As girls, we may have watched our mothers and grandmothers tending to the whims of everyone else. Probably without ever being told, we simply followed suit. What’s worse, we may not have even expected appreciation for our actions.

Now that we are learning to think of ourselves, we feel a bit selfish. However, we must begin to honor our significance, and we have to understand that to do so is not egotistical. In order to lovingly appreciate others in our lives, to treat them as significant, we have to value our own significance. Our Higher Power considers us significant; it’s time we followed suit.

Affirming my own significance will help me appreciate other people. Today I will value my interactions with others.

© 1994 by Hazelden Foundation

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EXAMPLE, NOT EXCEPTION

Helping Others

It’s always heady stuff when others congratulate us on our victory over alcohol. Fair-minded people will have considerable admiration for what appears to be a bootstrap effort to make a comeback from despair and defeat.

We can accept this praise with grace and modesty. At some point, however, we should emphasize that our recovery was an example of spiritual principles at work and that thousands have been able to follow in the same path. Sober AA members are not exceptions; they are examples of what the program can do in people’s lives.

It is important to emphasize that we are ordinary people. The marvelous thing about the program is that it works for ordinary people like ourselves. Many people in the fellowship have great talent and ability, but those gifts have nothing to do with staying sober. The gifted person gets sober the same way anybody does—by admitting powerlessness over alcohol and by accepting the program.

We are also helped most by people who can serve as examples in our lives. It is always inspiring to know that we can follow in their paths and find what has been given to them.

I want to provide a good example for others today. I will go through the day remembering that my sobriety is a gift that can be bestowed on anybody—it was not an exception just for me.

© 1996 by Hazelden Foundation

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A DAY AT A TIME #essentialsofrec #Faults #Inventory #Others

Reflection for the Day

Looking back, I realize just how much of my life has been spent in dwelling upon the faults of others. It provided much self-satisfaction, to be sure, but I see now just how subtle and actually perverse the process became. After all was said and done, the net effect of dwelling on the so-called faults of others was self-granted permission to remain comfortably unaware of my own defects. Do I still point my finger at others and thus self-deceptively overlook my own shortcomings?

Today I Pray

May I see that my preoccupation with the faults of others is really a smokescreen to keep me from taking a hard look at my own, as well as a way to bolster my own failing ego. May I check out the “why’s” of my blaming.

Today I Will Remember

Blame-saying is game-playing.

© 1989 by Hazelden Foundation

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One Day At A Time

OTHERS


“In the deepest part of a compulsive eater’s soul …
is the realization that recovery begins when we find one another.”

-Anonymous

Growing up in the deep South in the 1950′s, I witnessed things I never dreamed could happen. It taught me lessons I have never forgotten. Little did I think that someone like me could ever be discriminated against. After all, I was the right color, the right size, the right religion and lived on the right side of town.

Messages began to be taped early on in that little girl’s brain … into the psyche of that teenager who worked so hard to achieve … and into the young woman who had the world by the tail. In adulthood those messages began to play … and food made the messages easier to hear. So began the life of a compulsive eater. So began discrimination because of my weight.

Years later I would be grateful for my life as an overweight adult. I would look back and see that the God of my understanding was preparing me to see discrimination as a disease of the soul. But what happened to give me serenity and peace and contentment? I found another compulsive eater. And then I found another … and another. And recovery began.

One Day at a Time …

I will overwrite those taped messages; I will not regret the past; And I will cherish my fellows forever.     

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One Day At A Time

OTHERS


“In the deepest part of a compulsive eater’s soul …
is the realization that recovery begins when we find one another.”

-Anonymous

Growing up in the deep South in the 1950′s, I witnessed things I never dreamed could happen. It taught me lessons I have never forgotten. Little did I think that someone like me could ever be discriminated against. After all, I was the right color, the right size, the right religion and lived on the right side of town.

Messages began to be taped early on in that little girl’s brain … into the psyche of that teenager who worked so hard to achieve … and into the young woman who had the world by the tail. In adulthood those messages began to play … and food made the messages easier to hear. So began the life of a compulsive eater. So began discrimination because of my weight.

Years later I would be grateful for my life as an overweight adult. I would look back and see that the God of my understanding was preparing me to see discrimination as a disease of the soul. But what happened to give me serenity and peace and contentment? I found another compulsive eater. And then I found another … and another. And recovery began.

One Day at a Time …

I will overwrite those taped messages; I will not regret the past; And I will cherish my fellows forever.    

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Daily Reflections #essentialsofrecovery

THOSE WHO STILL SUFFER

Let us resist the proud assumption that since God has enabled us to do well in one area we are destined to be a channel of saving grace for everybody.

A..A. COMES OF AGE, p. 232

A.A. groups exist to help alcoholics achieve sobriety. Large or small, firmly established or brand-new, speaker, discussion or study group has but one reason for being: to carry the message to the still-suffering alcoholic. The group exists so that the alcoholic can find a new way of life, a life abundant in happiness, joy, and freedom. To recover, most alcoholics need the support of a group of other alcoholics who share their experience, strength and hope. Thus my sobriety, and our program’s survival, depend on my determination to put first things first.

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RESPECT FOR OTHERS

Such parts of our story we tell to someone who will understand, yet be unaffected. The rule is we must be hard on ourself, but always considerate of others.

ALCOHOLICS ANONYMOUS, p. 74

Respect for others is the lesson that I take out of this passage. I must go to any lengths to free myself if I wish to find that peace of mind that I have sought for so long. However, none of this must be done at another’s expense. Selfishness has no place in the A.A. way of life.

When I take the Fifth Step it’s wiser to choose a person with whom I share common aims because if that person does not understand me, my spiritual progress may be delayed and I could be in danger of a relapse. So I ask for divine guidance before choosing the man or woman whom I take into my confidence.

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