May
“The remorse, horror and hopelessness of the next morning are unforgettable. The courage to do battle was not there. (The) brain raced uncontrollably and there was a terrible sense of impending calamity. …(A) mental fog settled down. Gin would fix that. So two bottles, and – oblivion.” –
Alcoholics Anonymous, Third Edition, 1976, Ch 1, p 6.
Today, I can be grateful that I awoke to a day without regret of what I might have done or said the night before, without a sense of dread of what this new day will bring and without the fear of some unknown and unidentified pending disaster that feels like a bomb is about to explode and I don’t know where to hide. Today, I have clarity of all I said and did last night, no dread of what these 24 Hours will serve and no need to run from a non-existent fear. My AA Program has empowered me with faith and trust in a Higher Power who, in turn, has graced me with confidence and safety in the 12 Steps and, above all, with sobriety. But I cannot take for granted that I awoke to this day sober and with a sense of purpose. My reprieve from all those morning after’s of so many yesterday’s is only for this day, and this day I must continue to work toward awakening to the next 24 Hours without “remorse, horror and hopelessness.” And our common journey continues.
Today, I can be grateful that I awoke to a day without regret of what I might have done or said the night before, without a sense of dread of what this new day will bring and without the fear of some unknown and unidentified pending disaster that feels like a bomb is about to explode and I don’t know where to hide. Today, I have clarity of all I said and did last night, no dread of what these 24 Hours will serve and no need to run from a non-existent fear. My AA Program has empowered me with faith and trust in a Higher Power who, in turn, has graced me with confidence and safety in the 12 Steps and, above all, with sobriety. But I cannot take for granted that I awoke to this day sober and with a sense of purpose. My reprieve from all those morning after’s of so many yesterday’s is only for this day, and this day I must continue to work toward awakening to the next 24 Hours without “remorse, horror and hopelessness.” And our common journey continues.
Step by step. – Chris M.
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