July
” …I felt a fear coming into my life, and I couldn’t cope with it. I got so that I hid quite a bit of the time, wouldn’t answer the phone, and stayed by myself as much as I could. I noticed that I was avoiding all my social friends …I couldn’t keep up with any of my other friends, and I wouldn’t go to anyone’s house unless I knew they drank as heavily as I did. I never knew it was the first drink that did it. I thought I was losing my mind when I realized that I couldn’t stop drinking. That frightened me terribly.”
– Alcoholics Anonymous, 3rd Edition, 1976, Part II (“Personal Stories)”, Ch 2 (“Fear of Fear”), p 324.
Today, I do not have to fear the first drink that unleashes in its wake all its devastation because, today, AA has freed me from fear and all its siblings and cousins. I can claim with honesty that I have fully bowed to Step One – ” …(A)dmitted (I am) powerless …” – and take as gospel the Program’s credos like “One Day at a Time,” “First Things First,” “Keep It Sweet and Simple” and “There for the grace of God go I.” I am in recovery, I am sober and I don’t need or want the first drink; without it, I don’t have to avoid friends, family or anyone else, and I don’t have to be afraid to answer the phone because of some paranoid fear that it’s news that I did something last night that I don’t remember. Today, I am humble and loyal to the Program; with it, fear hammers a home run. And our common journey continues.
Today, I do not have to fear the first drink that unleashes in its wake all its devastation because, today, AA has freed me from fear and all its siblings and cousins. I can claim with honesty that I have fully bowed to Step One – ” …(A)dmitted (I am) powerless …” – and take as gospel the Program’s credos like “One Day at a Time,” “First Things First,” “Keep It Sweet and Simple” and “There for the grace of God go I.” I am in recovery, I am sober and I don’t need or want the first drink; without it, I don’t have to avoid friends, family or anyone else, and I don’t have to be afraid to answer the phone because of some paranoid fear that it’s news that I did something last night that I don’t remember. Today, I am humble and loyal to the Program; with it, fear hammers a home run. And our common journey continues.
Step by step. – Chris M.
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