Changing other people
Relating to others.
“How can I get this person to accept the program?” We hear this often,
for example, when a patient at a treatment center complains about another
who is so negative toward the program “That he’s dragging all of us down.”
We discovered long ago that we have no power to change or manipulate
others. At the very beginning of AA, its pioneers learned how to maintain
their own sobriety and serenity even as others rebelled and turned against
the program. They learned that negative people can’t drag us down unless
we let them.
We might need to review our personal inventory if we’re too concerned about
the behavior of others. Ours is a program of attraction, not coercion, and we
“change” people only by demonstrating how well it works for us. Any concern
about another’s behavior takes time and energy away from our own commitment
to self-improvement.
I have a personal need and responsibility to carry the mess, but I have neither
the right nor the responsibility to modify anybody’s behavior. I’ll keep this in
mind today.
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