Today’s GIft - May 17 2026

Nice guys finish last.

— Leo Durocher

Some of us are habitually victims, doormats, and “poor things.” No matter what, we never say no. The more we practice being nice guys the less able we are to cope creatively. We place the blame, along with the responsibility, elsewhere.

Darlene modeled this for all of us at a recent meeting. She is well past fifty and has been divorced for twenty years. Yet she is still seeking sympathy for what her husband – and God -did to her. Twenty-five years ago she inherited fifty thousand dollars from her parents’ estate. Bit by bit, as she said, her alcoholic husband spent it all. It wasn’t that she gave it to him or failed to manage it herself, she explained. What happened was that he “just spent it all up. How could he do that?” The obvious, healthier question never occurred to her: How could she allow a sick person to eat up a small fortune?

The moral of the story is that being “too nice” isn’t our problem.

Today, I will search my conscience for evidence of irresponsibility that I may have been filing under other names.

From the book:



Days of Healing, Days of Joy by Earnie Larsen and Carol Larsen Hegarty

ONE DAY AT A TIME #essentialsofrecovery

VICTIMIZATION

“Within each of us lies the power of our consent to health and to sickness,
to riches and to poverty, to freedom and to slavery. It is we who control these, and not another.”

~ Richard Bach ~

I have lived most of my life believing that I was a victim of circumstance. As a “victim” I believed I had no power, no options, no choices, no hope and no control in my life. It’s so tempting to be a victim. If I’m a victim, I am not responsible for anything. Every pain, every dysfunction, every addiction, every problem was not my “fault” and there was nothing I could do to improve my life. Or so I thought.

One day a friend asked me if I actually wanted to be well and I was shocked to find that the immediate answer flooding from my heart was, “NO.” Wow! You would think that a victim would give anything in order to be well, yet I found that I was terrified of the responsibility of being well. If I were well, I would be in charge of my own choices – particularly the most primal choices of all: Life or Death, holding onto powerlessness, or reaching out to grasp hope and health.

I am still tempted to return to the false security of victim-hood. Yet I come to recovery, and keep coming back. I work the program, I learn, I fail, I fall. I rise again and begin again.

One day at a time…

I will remember that I have the power, the freedom, and the responsibility to make choices which move me towards health. I will resist the siren call of victimization.

~ Lisa V. ~

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WALK IN DRY PLACES #essentialsofrec #Choice #Decisions #Recovery

WE ALWAYS HAVE CHOICES

Decision Making

Self-pity is often rooted in the strong feeling that we have been victimized by people or conditions. “I never had a chance” and “You deceived me!” are common complaints that reveal self-pity.

It is astonishing and humbling to learn that we always have choices, even when other people or bad conditions are grinding us down. One of the great discoveries of the Twelve Step movement is that alcoholics could begin to recover no matter how helpless they had become, no matter how far they had slid into defeat and despair. Once a decision was made to seek sobriety as a primary goal, other choices and decisions became possible.

We choose our attitudes and responses. We have neither the power nor the right to control others, but we can choose to soften our attitudes toward them, and we can forgive and release people we don’t like.

We can always choose how we want to think and feel. It may take effort to break the habit of feeling victimized and sorry for ourselves, but our Higher Power will show us the way if we decide that is what we really want.

Nobody can ruffle my feathers today or make me feel oppressed and victimized. I can always make choices that will enhance my sobriety and place me on a better footing for the days ahead.

© 1996 by Hazelden Foundation

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Today’s Gift #essentialsofrecovery

Don’t be a victim

Some people refer to us as victims of our problems, but we should not accept such labelling. A better term for us is survivors.

Working in step with our Higher Power, we should view ourselves as capable of rising above all the challenges and conditions that confront us. If we call ourselves victims, we’ll soon be inviting more people and situations to victimize us. As survivors, however, we will always learn to sail through the roughest storms.

Looking at the general world situation, it does seem realistic to say that lots of people are victims. But we must always take into account the vast power that resides in every human soul. People have tremendous power to change their conditions, and when word of this finally gets around, we’ll see a worldwide spiritual awakening that will change everything for the better.

Whatever I’m facing today, I’ll know that the spirit within me also gives me the qualities I need to survive.

From the book:

Walk in Dry Places by Mel B.

                                Walk in Dry Places by Mel B. © 1996 by Hazelden Foundation

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As Bill Sees It #essentialsofrecovery

Those Other People, p.268

“Just like you, I have often thought myself the victim of what other people say and do. Yet every time I confessed the sins of such people, especially those whose sins did not correspond exactly with my own, I found that I only increased the total damage. My own resentment, my self-pity would often render me well-nigh useless to anybody.

“So, nowadays, if anyone talks of me so as to hurt, I first ask myself if there is any truth at all in what they say. If there is none, I try to remember that I too have had my periods of speaking bitterly of others; that hurtful gossip is but a symptom of our remaining emotional illness; and consequently that I must never be angry at the unreasonableness of sick people.

“Under very trying conditions I have had, again and again, to forgive others–also myself. Have you recently tried this?”

Letter, 1946 

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Walk In Dry Places #essentialsofrecovery

Are we victimizing ourselves?
Finding the New Happiness

Some believe that people create their own trouble by attracting the wrong conditions and people in their lives. This may not be entirely true, but we can find that some element of it was at work with us.

Time and time again during our drinking, we set ourselves up for abuse and rejection, though our motives seemed right.  Why did we do this? Supposedly to punish ourselves, the theory has it.

If this is true, then we should now call a halt to the process immediately. If we’ve emerged from the terrors of alcoholism, we’ve had all the punishment anybody needs.

We can change our bad patterns by looking carefully at the people and situations we seem to attract. Without resentment or condemnation, we can part company with any problems these have been bringing us. We can start building new relationships and attracting better conditions that will be immensely successful in terms of happiness and well-being.

I’ll remember today that in the new life I’m seeking, there’s no need for punishment. I will not go out of my way to attract people or conditions that create problems in my life.

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A DAY AT A TIME #essentialsofrec #Recovery #Philosophy

Reflection for the Day
We must never be blinded by the futile philosophy that we are just the hapless victims of our inheritance, of our life experience, and of our surroundings—that these are the sole forces that make our decisions for us. This is not the road to freedom. We have to believe that we can really choose. As addictive persons, we lost our ability to choose whether we would pursue our addictions. Yet we finally did make choices that brought about our recovery. Do I believe that in “becoming willing” I have made the best of all choices?

Today I Pray
May I shed the idea that I am the world’s victim, an unfortunate creature caught in a web of circumstance, inferring that others ought to “make it up to me” because I have been given a bad deal on this earth. We are always given choices. May God help me to choose wisely.

Today I Will Remember
God is not a puppeteer.

© 1989 by Hazelden Foundation

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Walk In Dry Places #essentialsofrec #Defeat #Alcoholism

12
October 

A fatal Feature of alcoholism
Admitting defeat

Part of alcoholism’s deadliness lies in its peculiar tendency to blind the victim to the hopelessness of the situation. Time and again, AA members meet people who are in the final stages of their disease, yet are still clinging to the fallacy that things are not as bad as they seem. Indeed, many alcoholics who have engineered their own ruin still believe they are either victims of bad luck or of malevolent action by others.

Let’s remember, however, that others might not be so fortunate. We must not criticize them for not being able to accept the hopelessness of their condition. We should also look for our own blind spots about others problems in our lives.

I’ll remember today that only the 12 Step program arrested my fatal disease and keeps it at bay. I’ll feel kindly toward others who are having trouble admitting defeat; maybe this is the day it will happen for them.

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Just For Today #essentialsofrec #victims #recovery #NA

 5
October


Ask For Mercy, Not Justice

“Many of us have difficulty admitting that we caused harm for others… We cut away our justifications and our ideas of being a victim.” 

Basic Text p.37

Our lives are progressing nicely. Things are going good, and each year in recovery brings more material and spiritual gifts. We may have a little money in the bank, a new car, or a committed relationship. We have a little self-confidence, and our faith in a Higher Power is growing.

Then, something happens. Someone breaks into our new car and steals the stereo, or the person we’re in the relationship with becomes unfaithful. Right away, we feel victimized. “Where’s the justice?” we wail. But if we take a look back on our own behavior, we may find that we’ve been guilty of what’s just been done to us. We realize we wouldn’t really want justice – not for ourselves, and not for others. What we want is mercy.

We thank a loving God for the compassion we’ve been shown, and we take the time to appreciate all the precious gifts that recovery brings.

Just for today: I will pray for mercy, not justice. I am grateful for the compassion I’ve been shown, and will offer mercy to others.

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Walk In Dry Places #essentialsofrec #Recovery #victimizing

  1
September 

Are we victimizing ourselves?
Finding the New Happiness

Some believe that people create their own trouble by attracting the wrong conditions and people in their lives. This may not be entirely true, but we can find that some element of it was at work with us.

Time and time again during our drinking, we set ourselves up for abuse and rejection, though our motives seemed right. Why did we do this? Supposedly to punish ourselves, the theory has it.

If this is true, then we should now call a halt to the process immediately. If we've emerged from the terrors of alcoholism, we've had all the punishment anybody needs.

We can change our bad patterns by looking carefully at the people and situations we seem to attract. Without resentment or condemnation, we can part company with any problems these have been bringing us. We can start building new relationships and attracting better conditions that will be immensely successful in terms of happiness and well-being.

I’ll remember today that in the new life I'm seeking, there’s no need for punishment. I will not go out of my way to attract people or conditions that create problems in my life.

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Or Follow Us On Twitter #essentialsofrec

Today’s Gift from Hazelden #essentialsofrec #Recovery #Responsibility

17
 May
Nice guys finish last.

— Leo Durocher

Some of us are habitually victims, doormats, and “poor things.” No matter what, we never say no. The more we practice being nice guys the less able we are to cope creatively. We place the blame, along with the responsibility, elsewhere.

Darlene modeled this for all of us at a recent meeting. She is well past fifty and has been divorced for twenty years. Yet she is still seeking sympathy for what her husband – and God -did to her. Twenty-five years ago she inherited fifty thousand dollars from her parents’ estate. Bit by bit, as she said, her alcoholic husband spent it all. It wasn’t that she gave it to him or failed to manage it herself, she explained. What happened was that he “just spent it all up. How could he do that?” The obvious, healthier question never occurred to her: How could she allow a sick person to eat up a small fortune?

The moral of the story is that being “too nice” isn’t our problem.

Today, I will search my conscience for evidence of irresponsibility that I may have been filing under other names.

From the book:

Days of Healing, Days of Joy by Earnie Larsen and Carol Larsen Hegarty

Days of Healing, Days of Joy by Earnie Larsen and Carol Larsen Hegarty

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